The future of printed newspapers or books
In the contemporary society, people have a tendency to make use of online sources for reading without spending much money. Some individuals have considered that this trend will lead to the decrease of the number of people who purchases printed newspapers or books. I completely disagree with this point of view in terms of health, lifestyle and copyright.
To begin with, the excessive exposure to the screen of advanced technologies including mobile phones, computers,... for reading has some negative influences on people's health. There is no doubt that the development of technology has brought to people plentiful benefits, but its impact on users's eyes, back, skin,... should not be ignored. Many people, especially youngsters have experienced some health problems such as short sightedness, back pain, dry skin,..., thereby increasing the awareness of using online reading technology. A recent research has illustrated that reading online is condemned as a major culprit for engendering a sedentary lifestyle. Therefore, printed newspapers or books still play an essential role in not only providing a great deal of information but also do no harm to people's health.
Moreover, buying newspapers or books directly is an effective method to guarantee copyright for authors and creators. Many online sources illegally use other official sources without permission, which remains a highly continueous public discourse about authors' right. Besides that, nowadays plagiarism is extemely prevalent, so it partly decline people's belief on online source of information. However, people can rely on the flow of infomation on printed newspapers or books because it is usually verified and agreed to publish by its own author. One good example for that is the scandals of celebrities, many keyboard warriors share wrong information about famous people on social network, so they have to receive unexpected consequences and criticism from public.
In conclusion, people should be careful when reading online information in order to avoid misunderstand. The aforementioned reasons lay an adequate foundation for me to claim that despite the advancement of technology, typicallt Intenet, printed newspapers or books will never be replaced.
Hi, here are some of my suggestions for you!
of => in the number.
-people who purchase
-the excessive exposure to the screen of advanced technologies including .... I don't think that bold phrase is neccessary since every one knows what advanced technologies include. Also, you must avoid using "..." in an essay.
to people plentiful benefits
for engendering a => behind sedentary lifestyle
-"printed newspapers or books still play ...". I think this sentence should be writen in the third paragraph where you support that people should use printed books. It makes more sense.
However => better replace with Hence/ Thus/ Consequently/..., people can rely on....
-it partly declines
-"One good example for that is the scandals of celebrities...". This example is not really relevant to the idea you are presenting since it is more of social media.
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The task 2 essay has a word ceiling of 290 words. Do not exceed that word count so that you can properly focus on developing your content and correcting the errors in your essay. With 40 minutes to complete this task, you should leave at least 5-10 minutes to proof read, edit, and finalize your essay content. You actually made several errors in this essay that you should have worked on to get a better score with this essay. The errors are in the spelling, grammar, clarity, and conciseness sections of your presentation. You should have been able to spot and correct the mistakes if you had taken the time to edit your work instead of over writing your essay. A long essay, with several errors in scoring considerations, will not help you achieve a higher or passing score. However, a short essay, with less to no errors will get a better mark. Focus on the preciseness of your presentation rather than length.
You did a good job in representing your extent response in the essay. Excellent work in outlining the discussion points. Don't use 2 punctuation marks successively. You are just using the punctuation marks for the sake of using it, you are not considering if you are using it properly or not. That means, you will fail in the GRA section simply because you did not care about how you formatted your sentences and paragraphs. You actually have enough errors in the overall scoring considerations to prevent you from achieving a passing band score.
You have good discussion points but your explanation development is lacking. Try to better develop your explanations by not focusing on topics but rather, on the validity of your explanation. That way you can have better scores in terms of task development.