To Whom It May Concern,
I put more efforts into studying English and I want to get score 6.0 as soon as possible. please help me improve my English writing!!
thanks to regard!!
The topic: The noise levels have impacted the quality of our life, what are the causes of this problem and what should be done to solve it?
answer:
Almost all of people are very easily distracted by too much noise. This not only makes people feel angry and mad but reduces the productivity of work. There are many noise sources which cause this issue and they should be prevented as soon as possible.
The main cause of making too much noise may well be overpopulation. In fact, the more people, the more cars on the roads. Hence, it leads to high levels of noise in many cities. Furthermore, the traffic congestion, caused by overcrowd conditions, seems to be a great noise source. As the result, people who live in overcrowded places are often affected by the noise levels.
Another key factor creating high levels of noise is entertainment areas. Admittedly, the places or building which help people relax after hard-working hours such as theatres and cinemas always make too much noise. For instance, some stadiums can hold thousands of audiences. Therefore, the sound people create to cheer their favorite football is likely to make the stadium to burst with noise, especially when a player score goal.
To tackle this problem, the government should educate citizen on avoiding noise in public areas. Additionally, moving entertainment places to outskirts seems to reduce a large amount of noise.
To sum up, in spite of obvious causes of high levels of noise, the government finds it hard to solve this issue. Therefore, in order to find a effective way all people in noise places should enhance their awareness of preventing noise and put more efforts in reducing sound whenever they can.
I think you did a great job with the organization. I see that you gave a thesis statement at the end of the first paragraph, and then you began each body paragraph with a topic sentence that supported the thesis.
I would change the thesis to make the essay more meaningful:
There are many noise sources which cause this issue and they should be prevented as soon as possible. The thesis statement is the heart of the essay, so it should be very meaningful. It should not be obvious.
Look at each topic sentence, and try to think of a UNIQUE observation that is being made in this essay. Do you notice any new truth in this essay? A truth you have never before noticed? When you look at all the paragraphs here altogether, do they give you a new insight? Share that unique, interesting idea at the end of the first paragraph.
:-)
