Unanswered [0] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
 DrAfT!
Home / Writing Feedback   6

Non-academic subjects should be removed from school. Agree or not?


hello everybody, i am preparing for ielts. however, my writing skill is very bad, could u help me check my essay and point out my mistakes. thanks so much for your help.

With the pressures on today's young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school such as physical education, cookery should be removed from syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


In modern society, most people consider that success in the academy is one of the biggest preparations for the future; therefore, some people think that some non-academic subjects such as art, physical education or cookery should be moved out of curriculum at school. Personally, I disagree with this opinion for several reasons which will be analyzed in this essay.

First of all, learning non-academic subjects brings many benefits for students. Children cannot learn well as well as concentrate on their class if they are not healthy. When they attend physical education class, they can improve their physical and metal (mental) which help them study effectively. Moreover, when they join other non-academic courses such as cookery, they can have time for relaxation and reduce stress, fatigue from studying hard classes like math, chemistry and so on.

Furthermore, some times attending non-academic classes can lead to a successful career. Take my closed (close)friend for an example. When we were students at high school, my close (closed) friend called Tommy was not good at science subjects such as math,(and) physics; thus, he hated them. When he attended physical education courses, he found that he had talents at swimming, and then he decided to take other swimming training courses at (the) local sport center in order to develop his abilities as well as a career in sports. Now,(However) he has succeeded in his career, and he has gained three gold metals in 5 swimming national competitions he took apart. Many thanks to physical education course which helped him make a conscious decision about career.

In conclusion, I definitely believe that both academic and non-academic subjects should be well come (offered) in all schools. Children can acquire many advantages for learning non-academic subjects: getting healthier and some times making a good decision for career.

Nov 3, 2009   #2
The essay is a good attempt. The introduction is very good but the body of the essay lacks points that can sway the reader to agree with your views. You need to develop more points. I will attempt your essay and then you and others can read through give your opinion and see areas which you can improve. However you are doing well, with more practice you sure will get an excellent score. cheers
hi west, thanks for your comments
however, i do not like it very much. because it is too general, you did not point out my mistakes, which i need from other comments

anyway, thanks so muh
Nov 3, 2009   #4
With the pressures on today's young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school such as physical education, cookery should be removed from syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?--CHECK OUT MY OWN RESPONSE!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is intense ...

SEE ABOVE
Do not frame explicitly in your essay anything about your essay. There's a ton of errors, more or less to be expected.

This can be argued both ways, so many different ways. For the purpose offered, each side is equal.

Reason your way through it. Where you're lacking in acuity, eloquence will suffice.
thanks so muhc Mustafa1991
as you see, my E is not good, so i cannot point out my own mistakes as well as correct them. could u give me some more detail suggestions

thanks so much again


Home / Writing Feedback / Non-academic subjects should be removed from school. Agree or not?