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"Norouz" - it would be a beautiful celebration for all nations in the world; TOEFL essay

hamedmas 27 / 58 19  
Sep 27, 2014   #1
Hi Dear Friends :)
This is my essay which is wrote in order to develop my writing skill in the TOEFL. Please help me to figure out my grammatical errors and the structure That I used .

Describe a custom from your country that you would like people from other countries to adopt. Explain your choice, using specific reasons and examples

People receive most of the costumes from their ancestor. Some of this costumes have potential to adopt with other nations and countries. My country has a wide range of costumes, which are definitely adoptable with other cultures and beliefs. From my point of view, the best and general custom in our country is named " Norouz".

From five thousand years ago to now, Iranians believe that the spring in every year should be celebrated. This traditional belief named "Norouz" and new year in the Iran has introduced when the spring approaches. As matter of the fact, by approaching the spring, nature become new; plants and flowers grow; trees bloom and so on. Therefore, they thought they should renew their clothes and clean their homes and hold ceremonies as the spring approach. If they have trouble with their kin, they forgive them and kiss each other in the Norouz. They were determined to see their relatives and vice versa. Indeed, spring and New Year was an excuse and it would be seen as a fortune for them for the celebrities. Indeed, what the beautiful costumes Iranians at five thousand years ago they have.

Norouz give the chance to us to develop the social norms which is increasingly has been vanished. In the modern society, people have involved with daily activities and they do not have enough time to see their relatives. It is a good idea to expand this custom to all nations in the world. Therefore, people in all nations celebrate universally and have a chance to visit each other annually. This custom also could be universal, because everyone believes that New Year of the nature is introduced with spring.

Overall, by celebrating this costume universally, people have a chance to visit their families, relatives, friends, etc. In addition, they have an opportunity to clean every mess from their homes and throw out any badness from their hearts. Indeed, Norouz would be a beautiful celebration for all nations in the world.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Oct 4, 2014   #2
Hamed, sorry I missed this essay. Is it too late for me to give my review and suggestions? I'll try anyway :-)

- The custom of a nation is something that immigrants take with them to their new country in an effort to preserve their past heritage. That is why customs these days have become adaptable in other countries and somehow finds itself becoming a part of the new world traditions. My country also has a number of customs that I believe are important to our culture and traditions and must be celebrated. However, none of these customs and traditions can be more important than the "Norouz", our cleansing and celebration of the New Year during the Spring season.

- Our five thousand year old Iranian belief in "Norouz" comes from the belief that springtime must be celebrate by welcoming new things into a person's life. It our way of cleansing ourselves, our spirit, and our homes. It is the perfect time to make amends with enemies and give forgiveness when asked. Being a celebration based on the belief of bringing peace and harmony into personal lives, families, and friendships, I believe that this is a custom that other countries should adapt for themselves as well.

- "Norouz" is the time of the year when people can actually make peace with one another by making time to be with others and just talking, sorting out our differences in the process and coming to an agreement that can bring peace to all concerned. It is because of the "peace" factor that I believe the whole world would benefit from celebrating this particular custom of ours. As a universal custom, it would help bring peace to the most war torn nation and help countries recover from failures through the help of their neighboring countries. What better time to enact such important changes in the world? The "Norouz" welcomes peaceful change during the spring, when even nature itself is experiencing a rebirth after being lifeless and emotionless all winter long.

- Hamed,you need to learn to talk in a more dignified manner. Use language befitting an incoming college freshman. Do not be so relaxed when writing TOEFL essays. That shows a lack of respect for the exam and, if done in school papers, a lack of respect for the professor and the subject he teaches.

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