Im taking ielts this cominng december.can u please help me check my essay...please.i really need your help
Task 2: It is often thought that increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. What do you think it is the reason for a growth in the rate of juvenile crime? (ANSWER THIS ON THE SECOND PARAGRAPH) What solutions can you offer to deal with this situation? (THIRD PARAGRAPH)
Nowadays, notable increase of delinquent act is concern of all the people. Some populace claims that it is because of the intense aggressive behavior that usually can be seen on various programs in medias while others think that there are more contributing factors that lead young individuals to commit wrong doings. However, I personally believe that there are supporting programs that can help lessen this kind of bad act.
To start, some other risk factors that are associated to juvenile crimes are poverty, lack of education and unstable family or family cruelty. Poverty correlates to lack of education. Children who lives in poverty are unable to attend school and learn proper education. They rather stay on the streets and mix with other people that they do not know.Also, due to poverty the basic needs of their children are not supported as well. For that reason, it is obviously that these young individuals would do anything to survive likely stealing or sometimes get involve in more serious crime just to earn money to support their necessities.
Another risk factor is unstable family or family abuse. Characteristics of a child is depends on how they were raised and influenced by their loved ones. For an instance, a child who grow up with broken family, rivalry among siblings, unsupportive family members are mostly feel neglected. They tend to get the attention of their guardians by participating to other gangs which often get involve in crimes.
Interestingly, in every problems there are always solutions behind it. One of these is, proper guidance of the family and being a good example to them. Also, supporting programs that a government can offer like free education and promoting extra curricular activities like sports in which these children will divert their attention from doing unnecessary things.
I therefore conclude that family and the government play important role in reducing the number of teenage participation to crime. A child needs love and proper guidance from their own family while the government should provide programs that will help them avoid wrongdoings.
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Hi May, you did not do bad with this essay. In my opinion, it can actually get a score of 5. There are many positive aspects of your essay but what I would like to discuss with you are the evident problems that reduced your writing score. You need to work on improving your English vocabulary. It is obvious that you are trying your best to present yourself as a person with adequate English language skills. Continued reading of English materials and writing practice will help you better hone those skills in particular. Right now, you have a limited use of sentence structures. That is not really a problem as your sentences can become more complex as you settle into the use of English as a spoken and written language for yourself. As of now, these are the major issues that I can see in your essay. Remember, the essay is good. You just need to work on its written development and presentation.
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