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Nowadays nothing is private: our culture has become too confessional and self-expressive.


Anushka 1 / 2 1  
Apr 14, 2015   #1
I have just started practising for my SATs so please review my essay here. This essay prompt was from an online practise SAT test. I think I can improve this essay more but I don't know where to start.

Essay Prompt:
Nowadays nothing is private: our culture has become too confessional and self-expressive. People think that to hide one's thoughts or feelings is to pretend not to have those thoughts or feelings. They assume that honesty requires one to express every inclination and impulse.

Adapted from J. David Velleman, "The Genesis of Shame"


I had that bad habit of using Facebook a lot. I opened my account several times a day just to check up on what was happening and all that there was on my news feed were my so called Facebook friends sharing one thing or the other. Some of them expressing their love for someone, a guy updating a status of how his heart was broken, a girl who always updated statuses #dedicated to her "someone". I would prefer they were kept private.

We can voice our thoughts on matter of national importance or some kind of importance that can help other people. For instance, when a girl is raped and murdered and the criminal has not been caught, it is appropriate to voice our thoughts against this injustice. However, we should not go all out and start badmouthing the criminal. There has to be decency in expressing ourselves.

In a different instance, when there is an issue between a husband and a wife, the husband should not be posting his household problems on Facebook statuses but should try to amend those problems. It is a matter of ethics as well. It is just not right to be sharing these problems which are meant to be known only between the parties involved. No one would want to be unnecessarily pitied or being teased because of his or her problems.

We all seem to think that sharing our problems this way will elevate us from the deep mess we are in but it does not. The small rush of satisfaction we get from sharing our thoughts which are better to be penned in a personal diary should not be trapping us in the cycle where we share our most intimate thoughts as well.

In comparison some people can argue that being self-expressive and confessional can help us, mentally, to deal with them. There is a story that goes around where a person travels from house to house, neighborhood to neighborhood sharing his problems as other people share their problems as well, to him. This helps him to deal with his own problems as he realizes he is not the only one going through the same difficulties. Now, this story is just repeated in social media sites where expression has become the heart of every topic.

All in all, I believe self expression is good as long as it is creative.Like through the expression of art, a song or a poem. There were poets and artists and romantics in the old days as there are in the modern day, just hidden behind their screens now. Other than that, I believe some things that are too intimate are better kept private within the spaces of our mind. I also use Facebook only twice a week now just to check up on things and hopefully avoiding reading a drama between the news feeds.

justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Apr 14, 2015   #2
Anushka, your essay is good, just mind the following;

> punctuations marks - (:,;,.,?,/) these little details makes big difference.
e.g. - Nowadays nothing is private(: - DELETE AND REPLACE WITH "; OR ,) our culture has become too confessional and self-expressive.
> Avoid repetition or excessive use of words
e.g. - People think that to hide one's thoughts or feelings is to pretend not to have (those thoughts or feelings. - DELETE AND REPLACE WITH "them")

> verb tenses - if its an ongoing action, use present tense
> word use - "statuses??" - word use is very important,"status" is the word.
" national importance or some kind of importance ", national importance already emphasize your idea on the subject
" household problems" try to use, "domestic differences"
"elevate??" or you mean "alleviate"
"penned" - or you mean to note or noted
"All in all", try "overall" it sounds better and its more moving
"check up" should be "check out"
"avoiding" - should be "avoid"

Certainly, you can work on a good essay, don't forget to proof read it before sending.

Cheers!!!
OP Anushka 1 / 2 1  
Apr 15, 2015   #3
Thank you for your review! But do I even edit the essay prompt? You even edited the essay prompt.
intiaiqbal92 13 / 13 2  
Apr 15, 2015   #4
hallo @anushka..I have some corrections for you :

1. In essay, don't use direct sentences.
2. You have to pay attention for punctuation.
3. Check you spelling again.

keep writing ! :)

I had that bad habit of using Facebook a lot.

In this world of technology and information, (In this modern era) we think that we should share all the informationthat we know. But (however) we cannot seemsee to know where to draw a line on that. We should be honest in the situations that require honesty ...

... some kind of importance that can help other people others.
... and the criminal has not been caught, yes , it is appropriate to ...
There has to be decency too in expressing ourselves.
thutyedaniel 32 / 38 17  
Apr 16, 2015   #5
Hi Anuskha,

better that use connector in your sentence :)

I had that bad habit of using Facebook a lot. I opened my account several times a day just to check up on what was happening and all that there was on my news feed were my so called Facebook friends sharing one thing or the other. Some of them expressing their love for someone, a guy updating a status of how his heart was broken, a girl who always updated statuses #dedicated better that you do not used[/i] to her "someone". I would prefer they were kept private.
IqbalThemi 44 / 46 13  
Apr 16, 2015   #6
I had that bad habit of using Facebook a lot. I opened my account several times a day just to check up on what was happening and all that there was on my news feed were my so called Facebook friends sharing one thing or the other keep in touch with my friends. Some of them really like expressing their love for someoneto others., a guy updating a status of how his heart was broken, a girl who always updated statuses #dedicated to her "someone". Therefore, I would like to prefer they were kept private to maintain our close relationship.


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