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There is nothing that technology can't reach - it make children less creative (toefl writing)

beat_toefl 1 / -  
Sep 24, 2015   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Technology has made children less creative than children were in the past.

With the rapid development of technology, electronics are becoming more reliable both for adults and children. Some holds the view that technology is harmful to children's physical and mental health, such as creativity. This essay will discuss about people can't live without technology.

Obviously, technology is becoming the essential part of our daily life, including communication method, transportation tools, entertainment facilities and so on. There is no denying that we can't prevent technology from impacting us all every day.

What's more, technology also brings about the disadvantages as well as its merits. It is said that some database shows an increasing number of children are addicted to computer games and other online entertainments. Experts from world famous university also indicated that parents should keep children away from computer or other electronic devices, which would probably impact children's creativity.

However, parents won't succeed to get their children far away from electronic devices because technology is everywhere and it's impossible for you to escape from technology. The sophisticated way is to make full use of technologies, such as, try to decrease the time children spent on electronic devices, use the reasonable application to help cultivate children's creativity or imaginary. Technology enables us to reach the materials in a fastest and most accurate way, people are suggested to take advantage of this feature to learn, to grow, to develop.

Furthermore, creativity originates from the development when you are a child. Children are suggested to spend the reasonable time on electronic devices rather than adhere with it. The ideal way for people to develop their creativity is to control your time on devices and relax you mind and brain.

Lastly, technology is mostly advantageous for children's health on the basis of reasonable time spent on it. Children could get fully developed with the good usage of electronic devices, and even outperform others. Technology is powerful and there is nothing that technology can't reach, and thus it could be helpful for children's creativity.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 24, 2015   #2
Rubing, there are certain set instructions that you have to follow when writing a TOEFL practice essay. The first rule you have to remember is that you have to display a clear ability to understand the prompt by restating it in your own terms within the essay and then closing that introduction with your own point of view. In this case, that is whether you agree or disagree with the statement. Therefore, your opening statement should be something like this:

Past generations of children grew up reading books, playing sports, and engaging themselves in social and learning activities. The advent of technology has changed the way that children think about creativity. Therefore, there has been a change in the method by which they express themselves creatively. While some people have come to believe that technology has made children less creative than the previous generations, I believe that technology has only meant to allow them to express their creativity in a different manner.

The idea that you have about discussing the reasons why people cannot live without technology is nowhere near responding to the prompt that you were given. Refer to my above introduction sample for a more aligned sample of an opening response to the prompt. Due to the way that you set up your essay response, your second paragraph, though a bit responsive to the prompt, first deviated from the expected discussion then found its way back.

Sadly, none of your succeeding lines of reasoning managed to respond accurately to the prompt statement. Your response is choppy in the sense that you sometimes answer the prompt properly, other times you do not. One time that you responded to the prompt properly was when you said that

" The sophisticated way is to make full use of technologies ... "

That was a response that accurately responded to the prompt. So what you need to do is concentrate on proving that, contrary to popular belief, technology has only served to enhance the creativity of children through electronic based arts and similar creative projects that are software based. Forget about the "people cannot live without technology part" because you are supposed to be talking about children here. Not adults who can control their computer usage.

It is my opinion that you should review your essay response after you have had someone close to you explain the prompt question and how you might best respond to it. It will do you well to revise your essay by providing a better researched and more informed response to it.
ANNA_ff 1 / 4 1  
Sep 24, 2015   #3
Hi,here is my advice.
The last sentence of your first paragraph I view as irrelevant to your topic.Our topic is to discuss whether technology inhibit the development our children's creativity,rather than whether we can live without it.In other words,we may live without technology nowadays as you state enough evidence in the article,but it doesn't mean technology make children less creative.

In the third paragraph, you begin your sentence with'what's more'.I think 'However' would be much better.It's transitional sentence since you indicate the disadvantages of technology,instead of extending the advantages of it.

The last sentence of the third paragraph,you indicate that ' which would probably impact children's creativity.'The conclusion is so vague.Putting 'negative' before 'impact' shows your opinion more clear.

At last,I see no comparison between children in old times and in recent years in terms of their creativity.
There are some grammar mistakes throughout your article and please check out again.
billyabbot 2 / 5  
Sep 24, 2015   #4

Two guys above showed your mistakes that I totally agree. I think your vocabulary and grammar is very good. However, your ideas is not related to the topic.

To agree or disagree topic, you should say about your view of agree or disagree on the topic introduction and say why you support it in the body paragraph. Good luck to next lesson.

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