Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

'nuclear family'; The extended family becomes less important than in the past

skyzhangty 1 / -  
Jan 30, 2011   #1
This is my first toefl writing and I am poor at writing. Please help me , thanks a lot!

The extended family (grandparents, cousins, uncles and aunts) becomes less important nowadays than it was in the past.

Nowadays, there is a trend of nuclear families. It seems that extended families are playing less and less important roles now. However, I believe that the extended family is still crucial for today's life. It enables us to help family members more easily, enhances happiness during our childhood and provides more resources to take care of the old.

First of all, living in a big family enables everyone to help each other more easily. I live with my parents and grandparents. Last summer, I caught a bad cold and had a temperature of 39 degrees. However, my parents were too busy with their works to take care of me. It was my grandparents who looked after me for a whole week until I recovered from my illness. I was so moved and could not imagine how I would tackle it if I had not live with my grandparents.

Moreover, children will have more fun during their childhood with their cousins living with them. Now our families are single-child families, as a result we grow up with few, if any, playmates. We do our homework alone, watch TV alone and have dinner only with our parents. Sometimes, children have troubles but they are unlikely to ask help from their parents because of generation gap. Therefore, if we could live with our cousins who have common experience with us, we would play, talk and even share our troubles with each other, which I think would make our childhood more colorful.

Finally, in an extended family the older will live more happily. Some old people are sent to the nursing homes where they feel very lonely. My grandmother always says every night when everyone sits around a table having dinner is her happiest time of the day. Moreover, it is the Chinese traditional virtue to take care of the old. An extended family makes it possible for everyone to look after old people alternatively, which is much more difficult for nuclear families.

In summary, as I mentioned above, the extended family is still important now, which has a lot of advantage over the nuclear family. With a lot people living together do make our life better and more convenient.

Shandana 4 / 12  
Jan 30, 2011   #2
I don't know if you want to follow this rule, but my English teacher told me never to start a sentence with "however".

my parents were too busy with their works to

too busy with their work - singular, not plural

I would rewrite the conclusion. Perhaps you could focus on how the benefits of the extended family outweigh the benefits of a nuclear family.

Home / Writing Feedback / 'nuclear family'; The extended family becomes less important than in the past