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The number of books that were borrowed and its Book types [IELTS Writing Task 1]


PJmustbebetter 6 / 8  
Sep 16, 2016   #1
Question:
The line graph shows the number of books that were borrowed in four different months in 2014 from four village libraries, and the pie chart shows the percentage of books, by type, that were borrowed over this time.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.


My essay:

The total of books were borrowed from four different village libraries between june and september 2014 is depicted in line graph, and the kind of borrowed books is showed in pie chart which measured in percent. Overall, Although Ryeslip experienced a decline in the number of borrowed books, three other village libraries increased, and it was dominated by fiction books.

At first glance, books borrowed from west Eaton and Church Mount libraries showed similar patterns, with both increased gradually till 150 books in September. Then, although Sutton wood libraries remained a fluctuation before, between August and September it re-increased and peaked at 300 books. However, Ryeslip libraries had a decrease in the total of borrowed books from 300 books to 175 books during a period of four months.

On the other hand, fiction book was the most popular borrowed books compared to self-help, history, science and biography books which stood at 43%, while rest of books just were interested in under 20%.

To sum up, three different village libraries had a rise in the total of borrowed books whilst rest of library decreased, and fiction type was the most read book by people in those areas over the given frame period.
Windvalley 5 / 6  
Sep 16, 2016   #2
... depicted in line graph, and the kind categories/ genres of borrowed books ...
-Then , although Sutton wood libraries remainedsaw/experienceda wild fluctuation before ...("then" is not appropriate here, because you changed the subject of the previous sentence,; the collation"remained fluctuated/ a fluctuation" sounds weird to me, I prefer to "remain stable")

- To sum up, three different village libraries had a rise in the total of borrowed books whilst ... ( I'm a bit confused here, I suppose this sentence is not necessary, as you have another overview in the first paragraph with the same content.)
andika08 81 / 80 16  
Sep 16, 2016   #3
Hello
You have a good summary
I have some corrections

... different village libraries between june June and september September 2014 is depicted (...) kind of borrowed books is was showed in pie ...
At first glance, The books borrowed from west West Eaton and Church Mount ...
Then, although Sutton wood libraries remained a ...
However, Ryeslip libraries had a decreased in the total of borrowed books ...

Maybe you can using conjuction in the first sentences.
You can using another words or similar words.
eve01 24 / 40 5  
Sep 16, 2016   #4
Hi Pj ^^
i try to notice you some advise below:
* misspelling of the months must write with capital letter
*pay attention to use the correct "conjunction" and the missing verb
*understanding of using superlative

four of different village libraries between juneJune and septemberSeptember in 2014.... which is measured.... a decline in the number of borrowed books
.
At first glance, The books borrowed with both ofthose libraries increased gradually till ...
In contrast , Then, although Sutton wood libraries remained ...

it happened between August and September. it Which were re-increased and ...
Ryeslip libraries had a decrease in the total of borrowed ..... during a the period of four months.

while rest of books just weresaw interested in under 20%.

whilstwhile rest of library decreased,
the mostreadest book by people in those areas over the given frame of period.

hope it helps ^^
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Sep 24, 2016   #5
Hi Sari, first of all when you post an analysis, you have to make sure that the graph or the diagram that represents the information that you are about to analyze, this way the reviewers will be able to make sure that they are delivering the most accurate and credible feedback that is necessary to your revision.

Anyhow, I would like to edit and provide you corrections that will enhance your analysis and that is according to the proper usage of the English language.

- is depicted in the line graph,
- showed in the pie chart which is measured in percentage .

- At firsta glance, books borrowed
- with both increased gradually increasing
- tillto 150 books in September.
- remained at a fluctuation rate before,
- re-increasedbounced back and peaked at 300 books.

- To sum upOverall , three different village
- whilst rest of the library decreased,
- the given frame period.

There you have it Sari, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the linking verbs and their proper placement in the essay.


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