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The number of books read by the Burnaby Public Library members between 2011 and 2014 - IELTS 1


erin24 12 / 13  
Jan 17, 2016   #1
The line graph illustrated the rate of books read by men and women in Burnaby Public Library between 2011 and 2014. There was a value measured in percentage in the number of books. The most obvious pieces of information are that, there was an accurately the same point by both in the rate of books read by men and women in 2013.

To begin, the level of books read by women stood at around 5,000 books in 2011, which is higher than the level of books read by men that stood at around 3,000 books. However, in the end of this period, the figure of books read by men more than the number of women, 14,000 and 8,000 respectively in 2014.

2011 to 2012 witnessed a gradual rise in the figure of books read by men and which was followed by significant increase between 2012 and 2014. In contrast, the level of books read by women was a steady rise from 2011 to 2013 and which was followed by a sharp fall in the end of this period.




vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 17, 2016   #2
Erin, when you write any essay, keep in mind that the minimum sentence requirement is 3 sentences per paragraph. You have to provide at least three to four paragraphs as well in order to create a complete discussion. Paragraphs aside, only your introduction followed the proper formatting for this report summary.

While there are problems with the grammar, you have managed to completely convey a somewhat understandable report based upon the graph that you were provided. A word of advice, do not summarize all of the paragraphs. Try to present a thorough discussion and understanding of the figures, coming from your point of view, as you present the figures and facts to the reader. Offer the examiner an idea as to how you understand the graph and why you think it was presented in a certain way.

That said, we can now work on correcting the errors in your report.

There was a valueS WERE measured in...
...in BASED ON the number of books BORROWED...
...most obvious pieces ...
...there was an accurately the same point by both in the rate of books read by men and women ...
-WAS THAT MEN AND WOMEN READ BOOKS AT THE SAME RATE IN ...
...around 3,000 books DURING THE SAME TIME FRAME.
...in AT the end ...
... men more than OUTNUMBERED...
...men and which was...
... women was SHOWED a steady...
... and which was...
... in AT... the end

The problems with your essay are easily fixed. You just need to keep in mind that you need to make the paragraphs completely informative. Don't constantly summarize. Save the summaries for the introduction and conclusion of the report. The grammar issues, should be corrected over time, provided you constantly practice your English writing and reading skills.
fijarakbar25 11 / 13 2  
Jan 17, 2016   #3
The overview task and first body paragraph have been completed, but here some suggestions.

In contrast, the level of books read by women ...

However, in 2013, the level of books read by female crossed different path in which the rate fell considerably during last period given.
Pey28 8 / 13 1  
Jan 17, 2016   #4
Halo Erin
It is better to complete the way that you present the information in the overview / introduction of your essay.

There was a value measuredThe values were measured in percentage in the number of books.

I think you can describe the increased pattern between men or women reader in the overview.

... which is higher than the level of books read by men that stood at around 3,000 books. However, in the end of this period, the figure of books read by men more than ...

It also more attractive if you use the "adjective + noun" in that sentence, like a significant rise , or the others.
fariz10 13 / 18 2  
Jan 17, 2016   #5
Erin, you have good ability in writting essay. However, your overview does not explain properly the graph, there is missing important information.

The most obvious pieces of information are that, men were more agog in reading books rather than women in the end of period. However, there was an accurately ...

I suggest you to put one sentence in this paragraph.


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