A breakdown of comparison among books read by people based on gender at the Public Library of Burnaby between 2011 and 2015, a 5-year period is presented in line graph. What stands out from the graph reveals that both figures show an upward trend along period in question. In the last two years, male read books more than female did.
Male category stood at almost 25000 while rate of female was twice higher than the first rate in the initial year. Both levels then rose significantly where the books read by woman increased as high of 8000 in the following year. Meanwhile another sex just read a half of female proportion.
However, 2013 shown an interesting pattern, both genders increased but crossed different path. Number of male went up drastically reaching a peak at 14,000 surprising category of female that suddenly jumped hitting low level at approximately 8000. After which, the gap between the two sexes was eventually far.
Hi. Fijar
please upload the figure of this task 1.
Overall, you have good quality in writting essay, especially writting task 1. However, you miss some important issues.
at almost 25,000
... books read by people based on [WHO ARE CLASSIFIED ACCORDING TO THEIR] gender(S) at the Public Library of Burnaby (...) a 5-year period(,) is presented in [The] line graph.
... show an upward trend along [THE] period in question. In the last two years, male(S) read books more than female(S) did.
Male category stood at almost 25(,)000 while rate of female ...
... by woman increased as high of 8(,)000 in the following year. Meanwhile(,) another sex just read(S) a half of female proportion.
However, 2013 shown ED an interesting pattern(.) B oth genders increased(,) but crossed [THIS OCCURED IN] different path(S). Number(S) of male went up drastically(,) reaching a peak at 14,000 surprising {I honestly couldn't catch what you meant here with the word SURPRISING } category of female that suddenly jumped [PLUMMETED] hitting (A) low level at approximately 8000. After which that, the gap ...
Overall, your variation of sentences and words are very good anyway.
Muhamad, try to increase the difficulty level of your English writing in your next practice essay. Your English usage in this particular essay is so average that your skills would be considered "beginner" at best. the fact that you do not know when you use connecting words adds to the problems of your writing skills. That is not the English written usage level that you want to portray as that will not land you a passing score in an actual test. aim for a moderately complex vocabulary next time.
... of A comparison among ... presented in THE line graph. What stands out from the THE graph reveals ... along THE period... maleS read books more than femaleS did.
THE M male category ... while THE rate of femaleS was...books read by woman FEMALES increased a... Meanwhile another sex THE MALES just read aT half THE LEVEL of THE female proportion.
However, 2013 shown SHOWED an ... crossed different pathS. Number THE number of maleS went up drastically ... surprising category of female that suddenly jumped hitting WHILE FEMALES HIT A low level at approximately 8000. ... was eventually far.
