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IELTS TASK1; the number of Canadian university based on sex


Nhasir Rahmatia 6 / 9  
Apr 15, 2014   #1
Helloo,,, Friends My Name Is Khan...
This is WRITING IELTS TASK 1

The following chart illustrates university graduate numbers in Canada based on sex from 1992 to 2007.

Graduate numbers over 15-year period got peak in 2007 but the number of female was always more than total of male. In 1992 both had slightly different numbers at just over 70.000 males and about 100.000 females. Inversely, in 2007 they had much more different increasing of the number of both. The total of female were well above 140.000. by comparison, the number of males was about 90.000. The line chart between female and male formed winder and winder.

A more detailed look at the graph reveals that the growth was not steady. From 1992 to 1995, there was steady climb, it was followed by slightly decreasing between 1995 and 2000. After 2000, there was strong increasing rate, from just about 100.000 to almost 150.000 female and male went up from less than 75.000 to 95.000 in 2007.

Clearly, the growth of them was similar, even thought graduate women were more than men.





andial 21 / 48 3  
Apr 15, 2014   #2
ClearlyOverall , the growth of them was similar, even thought graduate women were more than men.

It is because you make a report writing task and therefore the word "overall" compliment that reporting tone more than "clearly" does.
Misnariah Idrus 19 / 35 4  
Apr 15, 2014   #3
The following chart illustrates university graduate numbers in Canada based on sex from 1992 to 2007.

Paraphase it... you took too much words from the question.

The line chart between female and male formed winder and winder.

winder?

there was steady climb

climb: verb

A more detailed look at the graph reveals that the growth was not steady. From 1992 to 1995, there was steady climb, i

First sentence: WAS NOT STEADY
Second sentence : WAS STEADY
Naveed786 8 / 21 4  
Apr 15, 2014   #4
Dear Nhasir,

The attached graph is not very clear as I am unable to reach figures due to reduced size of image. Kindly re attach it.

Considering the comparison between man and woman, I believe you have captured beautifully the difference. However, had been better if you could elaborate more the conclusion.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 16, 2014   #5
You begin your essay with a detailed para, not an introduction. Follow Pahan's approach for this task. Have a brief introduction that introduces your graphs and then an overview, again a very brief statement expressing the main trend/trends. Remember, this task is to assess your report writing skills. So, you need to present facts in a more concise, clear and a reporting style.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,204 469  
Apr 16, 2014   #6
To be frank, your score will immediately drop of you do not have an overview.
An overview, the important feature in IELTS visual writing, is a short description of a situation that gives the main ideas without explaining all the details.

there was steady climb, it was followed by slightly decreasing between 1995 and 2000.

poor sentence structure. To study more, visit this link: owl.english.purdue.edu/engagement/2/1/34/

there was strong increasing rate,

Is this you mean?: a rapid increase in two groups both showed...

even thought

even though
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,204 469  
Apr 16, 2014   #7
As per the basic rule, a paragraph is a collection of related sentences dealing with a single topic.
You have one idea and several bits of supporting evidence within a single paragraph.

Coherence within a paragraph is crucial to IELTS writing.


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