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The number of citizens who get ill from consuming unhealthy diet is increasing in some countries


Riiskacha03 31 / 34 5  
Feb 8, 2016   #1
IN SOME COUNTRIES AN INCREASING NUMBER OF PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING FROM HEALTH PROBLEMS AS A RESULT OF EATING TOO MUCH FAST FOOD. IT IS THEREFORE NECESSARY FOR GOVERNMENTS TO IMPOSE A HIGHER TAX ON THIS KIND OF FOOD. IT IS THEREFORE NECESSARY FOR GOVERNMENTS TO IMPOSE A HIGHER TAX ON THIS KIND OF FOOD.

TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS OPINION?


The number of citizens who get ill from consuming unhealthy diet is increasing on some parts of the world. According to this, it is the government's duty to reduce the sale of fast food among the residents by put a higher tax on this meal. However, I believe that this is not the best way to repair people's behavior in eating.

Some parties argues that the rate of fast food buying should be decreased by the government with put extra cost on it, since it triggers many of its eaters suffer from sickness. More expensive something is, less people will buy it. for example when there is a cut off price on an item, more people will put it in their shopping list, and vice versa. This becomes critics' basic thinking.

In my opinion, even though that kind of dish is becoming more costly, the likers of it will probably find a way to keep it in their bill. This make imposing tax to rise the price is becoming ineffectively. It should be their own considering to create a limit on how much their body can receive the risk of fast food. Most of them actually, do not realise the dangerous of the menu eaten by themselves each day. that is why it is better to provide them information about how they have to arrange their meal to avoid them from consuming unhealthy diet in an unacceptable rate.

In conclusion, I disagree that extra cost on fast food should be applied in order to against the consuming behavior on this kind of dish. It is better - to make people consider the importance of the health meal and the impact of bad meal toward their body - as the alternative way to solve the issue.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Feb 8, 2016   #2
Riska, your essay is a bit repetitive. You actually present your thesis statement twice in this essay. Honestly, your second paragraph, which is a repeat of the thesis statement, was more effective than the first paragraph that you wrote. Even though the language used was faulty, your thesis statement got all of the elements across. The restated prompt, points of view presented in the prompt, and your opinion, were all easily deciphered and understood.

However, your conclusion became faulty because you decided to discuss your personal opinion in it. Always keep in mind that your personal opinion is a requirement of the essay and therefore, cannot be discussed in the conclusion. The conclusion after all, is only used to recap the essay for the benefit of the reader. Your opinion is so important to the defense of your opinion which you stated in the opening statement that it requires its own paragraph in order to become stronger, relevant, and more acceptable.


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