Number of controversies about gender equality in community, especially in educational environments

Hope you can give me useful advices and thank you very much.

Topic : universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There has been a growing number of controversies about gender equality in community, especially in educational environments. A wide array of individuals holds the view that the numbers of student of each major in colleges should have equivalence between two genders. However, from my standpoint, I totally disagree because this idea is not appropriate in variety of aspect such as specific characteristics in some majors and quantities of courses.

The main factor to demonstrate that the balance between boy and girl in each subject is not effective is the specific quality of each major. Each gender has their distinct advantages and interests, as a result, there are diversity of type of majors that are more applicable for one gender than the remaining. More specifically, it is extremely arduous to have equal number of two gender in types of major about engineer or information technology because these major often more attractive with male student. On the contrary, types of major about mentality or language are more common with female. Therefore, if universities try to equalize the number of male and female, it is impact negatively on input quantities.

On top of that, whether numbers of male and female are equal or not is not impact on studying and teaching method on degree courses. Before taking a higher education like colleges, everybody must do an exam to check range of their knowledge and then they can choose types of major that suitable with their limits. In this way, each individual in colleges has the same time and opportunities with the others to enhance their experience, no matter what gender they are. For instance, a female student can completely have better point than another male student because she invests more time on studying and vice versa. Therefore, in my opinion, it is nonsensical when assuming gender issues can impact the qualities of university courses.

For the reasons mentioned above, I believe that finding the same numbers of each gender for majors is not an adequate opinion. To my way of thinking, if universities want to build a good environment for their students, the best method is improving the quality of courses and facilities.

There are times when the rephrasing should cover only 1 sentences. This is one of those times. There is no need to sensationalize the presentation as there is no reference to such in the original prompt. So the first sentence in this presentation is totally useless and does not add anything to the score. Only the last 2 sentences will be used as a scoring basis.


Improper word usage. Based on the use of the reference " one gender" the next description should be " the other gender " to represent the opposites.

The summary conclusion format is incorrect. It does not restate the topic+ opinion as required. Neither does it recap the reasons as expected. A solution sentence is unnecessary as it leaves the essay open-ended with an relevant topic, which deviates from the original It could cause the essay to fail.

Your essay is good.
but improvement is required in representing views

Let me talk about your grammar. I believe that there are many words or phrases needed "s" as a sign of plural noun.
in variety of aspect: aspect is a countable noun, so aspects must be more correct.
between boy and girl in: boys and girls
with male student students

In addition, I think that you don't need to use "types of major", "major" is understandable enough. Or you can use faculty or department when talking about a larger range of major.

"I totally disagree..." This is your thesis statement which you will analyse those ideas/ reasons above. This asks you to write two specific paragraph: the first one is about "specific characteristics in some majors" and the second one is about "quantities of courses". You are writing a stated thesis statement so you have to analyse what you have mentioned and cannot add other types of information. Therefore, you can write an implied thesis statement by not showing your ideas directly or obviously. Hiding them and then later you explain those reasons in each paragraph.

Hope my comment help. ^^