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IELTS1 - the number of diarrhea cases in Mashhad over ten years, some time ago

ayuriska 7 / 13 1  
Jan 25, 2017   #1
The graph below gives information about the number of cases of diarrhea in Mashhad between 1983 and 1992. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

specific condition among Mashhad's dwellers

Given is the line graph describing the changes of diarrhea cases in Mashhad for nine years. Overall, for the beggining of periods, the number of diarrhea cases remained relatively static, however predominant cases was experienced throughout the last periods prior to no case was detected in the year of 1992.

In 1983, Mashhad's dwellers infected diarrhea stood at 100 cases, remaining stable for three years later. Following this, moderate growth was shown in 1986, reaching around 175 cases, then increased slightly to near 200 cases in 1987.

In the next period, some violent fluctuations of diarrhea cases was shown. This plunged to the similar number with initial period (around 90 cases). In 1988, surprisingly, an tremendous increase was noticed to around 400 cases, almost four time as high as previous period. However, it dropped noticeably to just over 350 cases in 1991. Interestingly, in 1992, no diarrhea case was recorded after an enormous fall was occured.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,839 4175  
Jan 25, 2017   #2
Ayu, while your essay is well within the 150 requirement of the task, it feels like you did not try to impress the reviewer by completing more informative sentences per paragraph. This is specially noticeable in the first paragraph where you only have 2 sentences that do not really deliver an overview of the important keywords in the line chart. If you had included some keywords, you would have scored better in terms of task accuracy, lexical resource, and grammar accuracy. In the second paragraph, when you indicated that the figures remained stable, you should have indicated the consecutive years including the number of cases per year as the chart specifically indicates the rates on a year to year basis. That is important information that you failed to present. Simply picking up from 1986 is not as informative because you did not outline the years in the establishing sentence prior to it. In the last paragraph, do not use the term "violent" as that signifies and action instead of a charting trend. The more appropriate term to use would have been either significant or notable, in keeping with the academic trend of writing.

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