Essay about the number of enquiries received - tourist information

the graph report

The line graph illustrates the amount of requests sent by hand, mail and phone to the Tourist Information Office in particular city from January to June in the year 2011

It is clear that the Office received enquiries in person and by cell phone rose significantly over the period of 6 months in 2011, while the number of enquiries sent by letter experienced a considerable drop.

By January, telephone was by far the most popular way, with about 900, as oppose to just nearly 800 through mail or letter. The figure for enquiries received directly from the tourists was much less, just over 400. Between January to March, the number of requests which tourists gave by hand and mobile phone climbed to 1000 and 800 respectively, however, the number of that from email remain relatively stable.

Three months later, from Match to June, there was a rapid increase enquiries sent in person and reached a peak of around 1900 in June. After unchanging in April, the calls from tourist to enquiry went up to almost 1660. By contrast, there was a downward trend in receiving by mail, with just below 400 in the last of the period.

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Hello there,

Good comparison made. But few errors.

number of enquiries could be paraphrased as "frequency of asking questions" or "amount of requests for further information". In second para, there is problem in sentence structure. In third and fourth, some explanations are not quite with accordance to the graph.

1. in "a"particular city
2. ..., the number of calls from a tourist

@thuyngan
Hello there. I see that you're new here. Welcome to the forum! I hope that you like the writing feedback that you receive here. Please do come back to us for more!

I agree with a prior comment that you do not have issues when it comes to providing a general analysis of the text. The only suggestion that we have would be to add more structure to your writing. This pertains to the usage of punctuation to add appropriate pauses all throughout your writing.

Be consistent as well with your verb tenses. Remember that these analysis typically should be carried out in past tense due to how you are reiterating details that have already occurred.

@thuyngan
Hi there. I think you should add conclusion at the end of your text to take a reference from the paragraph.
Best for luck