The number of females reading books in Burnaby Public Library showed an upward trend (2011-2014)

The graph shows the number of Burnaby Public Library's books which read by men and women during 2011 to 2014. Overall, it can be seen men were more enthusiastic in reading books rather than women in the end of period. However, in 2013 both of sexes reached the same number of books which were being read.

The women's reading capacity was higher than men in the beginning of period. It stood at approximately 5,000 books. Following two years, it increased gradually and peaked at 10,000 number of books which were being read by women in 2013. However, there was a slight decline in women's reading capacity in the end of period.

In contras, men's capacity was hit a high of 14,000 books in 2014. Even it stood at 3,000 books in beginning of period. In 2013 was a year whereas women and men had the same number of reading books. It was peaked at 10,000 books for both sexes.

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So far so good Fariz. Your essay does need improvement because of some grammar problems. However, the way that you presented the information was not affected by the grammatical errors. It just needs to be improved and corrected from its original form so that you can learn how to better structure and assess your personal thought patterns. Here is my take on your corrections:

... which WERE read by men ...
... during THE PERIOD OF 2011 ..
... seen THAT men ...
... both of sexes ...

... 10,000 number of books ...
... slight decline ...
- Indicate the estimated figure in order to give complete information in the sentence.

In contrasT, THE men's...
... was hit a ...
... Even it IT EVEN...
In 2013 was ...
... whereas women and ...
... It was peaked ...

The way that you developed the essay was good enough and allowed your to express your ideas in the best way that you know. Your writing style should continue to improve over time provided you continue to regularly practice the writing tests.