THE NUMBER OF FOREIGN STUDENTS HAD INCREASED SIGNIFICANTLY AND IT HAD BEEN DOMINATED BY MALE.

The bar chart below gives information about the number of students studying computer science at a UK university between 2010 and 2011

The bar chart presents the number of students studying computer science at the university in Britain from 2010 to 2012. Overall, it can be seen that there are two kinds of students: British home students and International students. British home students dominated quantity of computer science students in the UK for three years in both of females and males.

Between 2010 and 2012, British's home female students had the highest number in 2012 at 45 percent while the lowest number in 2010 around 30 percent. In the opposite, International students had dramatically lower than native students. Females who were studying abroad increased steadily from less than 15 percent (2010) to 20 percent (2012).

In 2011, British male home students had the lowest proportion. By 2012, the number of male students came from British country had increased from less than 25 percent in 2011 to the highest proportion at approximately 43 percent. On the other hand, International male students climbed from 20 percent in 2010 to nearly 40 percent in 2012.

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Hallo Fauzi..
i have come corrections for your writing..

... computer science at a UK university between 2010 and 2011

The bar chart presents the number of students studying computer science at the university in Britain from 2010 to 2012
avoid redudancy of sentence.
This sentence same as introduction

... of computer science students in the UK for three years in both ...
pay attention when you want to use article

reduce repetition of student : scholar

Correct me if i'm wrong.

Well done mate!

Hi Fauziyah, Here several inputs for your writing.

The bar chart presents the number of students studying computer science ... need to be more paraphrasing, because it is similar with the taskThe bar graph illustrates the number of students taking computer science major at the university in Britain during a 3-year period from 2010 to 2012

Overall, it can be seen that there areweretwo kindstypes of students:consist of British home students and International students. British home students dominated quantity of ...

Good luck!

Hi Fauziyah.
Let me help you to finalize your writing. Please, meet my note and deal with them.


Actually, that is not an overview because you only tell information about difference of the bar. The overview is a summary of the information describing the general trend. I will give you an example of the overview.

OVERALL, IT CAN BE SEEN THAT THE NUMBER OF FOREIGN STUDENTS HAD INCREASED SIGNIFICANTLY AND IT HAD BEEN DOMINATED BY MALE.

... while the lowest number in 2010 WAS around 30 percent.
... International students had dramatically THE lower RATE than native students.
... studying abroad HAD increased steadily from less ...

... country had increased MARKEDLY from less than 25 (...) highest proportion at REPRESENTING AT approximately 43 percent.
... International male students climbed CONSIDERABLY from 20 percent in 2010 ... (to make it more clear, you are supposed to include verb with adverb)

Note: In the writing task 1, if you wanna the high score, you have to make comparisons amongst the figures. You cannot describe the data separately because our job is to compare them.

I really believe you can improve your skill on condition that you wanna provide much time to practice again and again.
Keep spirit.
GOOD LUCK