Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

The number of graduated scholars from Canadian schools

kiki23 37 / 64 4  
Nov 10, 2016   #1
The given graph provides the data about the number of university graduates between the two genders in Canada from 1992 to 2007. Overall, the number of graduated scholars experienced the similar pattern for female and male which is the upward trend. However, the female trend broke the record as the high one.

According to the line graph, the starting number of female scholars in 1992 was lower than 100,000. Even though the female trend was sharply decreased in 1998, it was slowly increased in the end of 2000 with more than 100,000 female students released by the university. In contrast, started with 70,000, the growth of the number of male students graduated from university was steadily increased. In 1995, the trend achieved the number 75,000 while it experienced the same decreasing trend in 1998.

At more detailed looked at, both of female and male trends were sharply increased since 2001. However, in 2007, female reached the peak with 145,000 while male remained with 95,000, making the gap between them widened.

akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Nov 11, 2016   #2
Hi Miss Kiky.
these are my thoughts towards your writing. Actually, your writing is a good job. However, you should have a bravery to compare figures.

the similar pattern for female and male which is the upward trend

the similar pattern for both figures of female and male, showing the upward trend. However, the number of female graduations always had been more than males.

Turning to your body paragraph, you create sentence less interesting. I mean that you did not compare directly. You explained first about conditions of the female figure. After that, you continue reviewing about another figure. you are supposed to compare both figures in the same year. The way to improve your score is demonstrating your abliti to compare. Besides that, you convert the quantity of both figures to form of fraction to make those more various.

Home / Writing Feedback / The number of graduated scholars from Canadian schools