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The number of International holidaymakers' arrivals in five destination countries between 1995/2010


Wilyaftika23 46 / 37 1  
Nov 19, 2016   #1
The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in five countries.

A breakdown of the figure for the number of International holidaymakers' arrivals in five destination countries between 1995 and 2010, the data covers by millions over a 15-year period in five different countries is revealed in the line graph. Overall, it can be seen that there were an upward trend for each countries. Even though France had few tourists in 1995, in 2010 it had similar number of tourists going to USA.

To begin with, from 1995 to 2005, there were a slight increase for four countries except France, because between 1995 and 2000, it inclined extremely to higher than 60 million. Until 2000, Brazil and Egypt had almost the same number of tourists and these increased steeply to nearly ten millions. From 2000 to 2005 these had at one millions differently and over a 15-year period, both of them had the lowest number of holidaymakers if compared with others. Furthermore, the number of tourists in Malaysia and USA rose slightly to almost 30 and 90 million respectively. Besides, between 1995 and 2005, there was a dramatic rise of tourists in France and it rose slowly to 70 million in 2005.

On the other hand, between 2005 and 2010, there were a gradual incline for four countries except USA. Firstly, the number of holidaymakers in USA dropped sharply to nearly 90 million that it was similar with the number of tourists in France. Moreover, others had a sharp increase while the number of tourists in Brazil lower than Egypt and these had total of tourists lower than in Malaysia.


  • question

nurainiyusuf16 47 / 83 6  
Nov 19, 2016   #2
Hello Willy!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

... holidaymakers' arrivals in five destination countries between 1995 and 2010, the data covers by millions over a 15-year periodin five different countries is revealed ...

Redundant : Just mention the detail one time.
You should check the graph again, I think it should be a 5 year period : It is really harmful since your data accuracy will drop.

... that there were an upward trend ...
... there were a slight increase for four ...
... there were a gradual incline for four ...

Pay attention to your subject verb agreement
an upward trend: singular
a slight increase: singular
a gradual incline
It should be "was"


Overall, it can be seen that there were an ...
From 2000 to2005 these had at one millions ...

Use punctuation correctly.
You should put comma between those word.


Overall, I am afraid that it's too long. The number of you words more suitable for writing task 2. 259 words are too much since you need only 150 words for writing task 1.

Then, it iwill better if you use many style of sentence for increasing your score.
Fighting beautiful willy ^^
ReskiRamadani88 43 / 57 5  
Nov 19, 2016   #3
Hello:

A breakdown of the figure for the number of ...

Figure ....>>> Angka

A breakdown of the proportion of International holidaymakers' arrivals in five destination countries between 1995 and 2010. The data was covered by millions.

... that there were(was) an upward trend ...
... had few tourists in 1995, and in 2010 (,) it had similar number ...


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