Unanswered [15] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Number of people who are content in the USA by the age group, maritial status, and having kids

ZiadRasyid24 10 / 15 3  
Aug 23, 2016   #1
The charts report the survey of the percentage of people who are pleased in the United States according the age group, wedded status, and with or without children

According to the charts, the happiness level of the youngest group of married people are the highest with more than two fifths percent. While in ages ranging from 30 to 39 and above 65 are 44 percent. The other age group are the lowest just two-fifth percent. In contrary, only almost a fifth percent of single people are pleased in all age group, excluding those aged 65 and over. Nevertheless, there is a significant difference, with 34 percent of people being happy.

In the other chart, having children give a slight increased on happiness levels. The percentage shows that married people with children below 18 is 44 percent and for those without children just under. In addition, The other who couples with children over 18 have 41 percent.

In conclusion, wedded people tend to be more pleased than single, with or without children. And all the percentage of happiness levels of people in the US are below half.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 776 309  
Aug 24, 2016   #2
Hi Rasyid, here's my analysis towards your essay.

Apart from grammatical issues, I would like to focus on checking on how you create and elaborate this essay. My suggestion is that you need to use IELTS band descriptors as your guidance. You can find and download them on Google or IELTS.org. In that band descriptor, if you want to reach band score 6 or above, you need to "Presents a clear overview of main trends, differences, or stages (band 7), or presents an overview with information appropriately selected (band 6)". It is unfortunate that your essay has no clear overview (band 5).

With regards to your essay, I believe that "conclusion" is NOT an overview. It can be categorized as an opinion. You should not give any opinions in IELTS task 1 essay. The prompt only tells you to summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Therefore, if you want to reach a high band score, you should write an overview instead of conclusion. For your information, overview can be placed in the beginning of the paragraph (1st paragraph) or the last paragraph like what you've done.

Hope this helps :)
Faridadwi18 67 / 104 13  
Aug 24, 2016   #3
Hi Ziad,

Let me help you to rewrite your introductory paragraph,
The charts report the survey of the percentage of people who ...
The bar chart shows a result from a survey in percentage about people who are pleased according to age group, marriage status, and have children in the US.Overall, the happiest people is the people who are marry in age between 18 and 29. Married couple who has children under 18 is the happiest than other groups but it only by one per cent of each group.(this is an example of overview in introductory paragraph)

Hopefully it helps.

Home / Writing Feedback / Number of people who are content in the USA by the age group, maritial status, and having kids
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳