Here are my corrections for your writing. Please, find my notes.
Overall, it can be seen that both figures has similar upward trend
Are you sure that those are similar? Be careful of picking up the trends in overview because there is one of essential secores. I am gonna offer the alternative overview.Overall, it is important to note that visitors on the website prefer to access the site providing a genre of pop parade to music choice. Turning to a number of visitors for two sites, the beginning and last period show the same gap virtually.
AlsoThis is not a transitive word. Please, you order the proper transitive words to create good flow in your writing.
To begin, initially, the number of people (...) start at approximately 40 and 120 thousands respectively.
present comparisons in your writing like this.
INITIALLY, THE NUMBER OF VISITS FOR THE MUSIC CHOICE STATES AT 40,000s, WHILE THE SITE OF POP PARADE SUCCESSFULLY ATTRACT FOUR TIMES AS MUCH VISITORS.
In the next following day
IN THE NEXT FOLLOWING DAYS. Determining the time also is important because it becomes reference to read your descripsion.
the number of people visiting the pop paradeYou have to distinguish between the number people and visits because a person can access the website more times. It is better if you mention visits