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IELTS Task 2 : Number of private cars increased and its effects


Kikiki 4 / 4 2  
Apr 21, 2015   #1
Nowadays, number of private cars has increased, so does the pollution in many cities. Pollution is not the only problem caused by it. It has increased the number of accident and traffic jam in peak hours. To solve this problem, we must track from its root.

The first question that comes up in my mind is why do people can get private cars easily? As we can see this day, a wealthy family usually owns more than 3 cars in their garage. One car is for the husband, one car for the wife and the rest of it for their children. Besides their personal needs and their purchase ability, easiness of owning private cars also influences the amount of it. The presence of credit card or other credit product, the low annual tax for owning private, and low cost related to it like fuel cost, toll cost and parking cost makes everybody won't hesitate their decision to have their own private cars.

The next question is why do people prefer using private cars than public transportation? Although various public transportation available, people usually prefer using private cars because it is simpler and more convenient. Moreover, security is also being an issue. These days, crime often occurs in public transportation.

To reduce the amount of private cars, in my opinion, there are two approaches. The first one is government approach. Government should be more accertive to the cost of fuel, parking and toll. I think it's better to reduce their subsidy and use it to other critical sector like to equalize the development and educational level of each province. Also, government should be more concern to public transportation system, like how the public transportation become more convenient, on schedule, simple and secure.

The second approach is to change our point of view. We should think that use public transportation or other less pollution transportation like bicycle, as an opportunity to live healthier and to make this earth less pollution.

Dear people :) could you please review this essay for me? I'm a beginner IELTS taker :) Thank you!

justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Apr 21, 2015   #2
- To solve this problem, we must track from its root. - WE MUST TRACK ITS ROOTS
- easiness of owning private cars also influences the amount of it. - THE PROCESS OF GETTING A CAR ALSO ADDS TO THE INCREASE OF NUMBER IN OWNING A CAR.

- The presence of credit card or other credit product, the low annual tax for owning private, and low cost related to it like fuel cost, toll cost and parking cost makes everybody won't hesitate their decision to have their own private cars. - THE CREDIT OPTIONS, LOW ANNUAL TAX,FUEL COST AND PARKING FEES ATTRIBUTES TO THE DECISION OF PEOPLE IN PURCHASING A CAR.

- LAST PARAGRAPH; TO FIND THE SOLUTION TO THIS ISSUE, I SUGGEST TWO APPROACH THAT CAN DECREASE OR MANAGE THE SITUATION, FIRST, THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD BE ASSERTIVE TO FUEL COST, THEY SHOULD REGULATE FUEL CONSUMPTION AND MAKE MORE ROOM FOR PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION DEVELOPMENT ACROSS THE NATION.THE SECOND APPROACH IS CHANGING OUR POINT OF VIEW IN PURCHASING CARS AND USING PUBLIC TRANSPORT INSTEAD, TAKE A BIKE IF YOUR TRAVELING NEARBY AND ONLY TAKE YOUR CAR FOR LONG HAUL TRIPS.IN THE END THIS WILL RESULT TO LESS POLLUTION, SAFER AIR TO BREATHE AND BETTER ENVIRONMENT TO LIVE IN.

Kiki, your essay obviously needs a little more polish but its ok, more practice and you will make a good article, now make sure that you take note of the following;

- grammar
- word choice, if the word sounds good that doesn't mean that its the right word to complete your sentence.Make sure that you read more to enhance your vocabulary.

- the logical approach of your article or essay, there should be a good flow of the story,this way your readers will get the message of your essay

- PROOF READ, this is the best way to double check your essay and make sure that you can get the message across to your readers.

Keep writing..

Cheers!!!
irhame 52 / 50 25  
Apr 21, 2015   #3
Although various public transportations available, people many a person usually prefer using private cars because it is simpler and more convenient.

I think it's better to reduce their subsidy and use it to other critical sectors like to equalize the development and educational level of each province.

We should think that use public transportation or an other less pollution transportation like bicycle, as an opportunity to live healthier and to make this earth less pollution.
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Apr 22, 2015   #4
Hi, Kikiki

In general, you have to adapt essay pattern which are intro, body(ies) and conclusion. Those are not well depicted in such work. Moreover, make sure that the full prompt given is attached so essay task responses can be well review. I am happy to give my further review once it attached :D

I think it's

avoid contraction write it is instead.
EF_Carol - / 145 39  
Apr 22, 2015   #5
Nowadays,as the number of private cars has increased, so has the pollution in many cities.

The first question that comes up, in my mind, is whyhow do people get private cars so easily?

I think it's better to reduce their subsidy, and use it to other critical sectors, like to equalize equalizing the development and educational level of each province.

I think your essay has merit, and could be excellent with some attention to certain improvement. First of all, you need to pay attention to punctuation. Many sentences can be improved with clauses sectioned off by commas. Also, you need to make sure you are using the correct form of a verb, when you use it.

I believe the intro sentence is stronger, by implying a cause/reaction, which is really the argument you propose throughout the essay: that unrestrained private use of cars will lead to too much pollution.

I think your essay makes a good point, at concluding with peoples' attitudes and the government, in need of change.

It's got basic potential, but needs to fix the use of correct articles with their nouns. This is important for a well-polished effect.

All in all, good job!

ef_carol
OP Kikiki 4 / 4 2  
Apr 24, 2015   #6
Thank you all :D It gives me such an enlightenment of how I form an essay with proper and organized form :)


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