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The number of queries collected by the Tourist Information Office over six months - IELTS1

hohatrang2002 1 / 1  
Aug 10, 2019   #1

number of touristic enquiries

The line chart illustrate the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in a city over six month in 2011.Enquiries were received via letter,telephone or person.During this period, enquiries via person and letter increased but the number of enquiries via telephone felt.

In 2011,the number of enquiries in person just over 400 in January but in June,thạt number increased reach about 1900 .And the number of enquiries via telephone had a similar trend as in person,there were about 900 enquiries in January and it soared reach 1600 enquiries.

Besides, the number of inquiries by letter or email had downward trend.In January,there were over 800 enquiries and then June,that number decreased to about 400 enquiries.

In general,in 2011,there was an increased of enquiries via telephone and in person while the number of enquiries by letter or email felt.

Maria [Contributor] - / 952 342  
Aug 10, 2019   #2
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll be giving you writing feedback on your essay. I hope you find this helpful - and if you do, you can come back for more!

The first thing I want you to pay attention to is the retainment of an academic tone and language when writing. Do not simply write without a particular tone in mind as this makes your text appear to be rather cluttered. For readers, messy chunks of text would make your essay difficult to comprehend and dissect.

You also do not need to give blunt analysis by describing everything that's on a graph or table. Focusing simply on one thing can assist you to furnish the entire text already.
jocelyn wang 3 / 6 4  
Aug 11, 2019   #3

Here are some of my opinions for your reference.
Firstly, Task 1 must be 150 words or above. Secondly. there are some basic grammar mistakes, such as the verb in the first sentence should add ''s''. Lately, there should be a space after every punctuation.

Hope those can help you.

Best wishes,
Jocelyn Wang
OP hohatrang2002 1 / 1  
Aug 11, 2019   #4
thank you your feedback . Can you grade my essay ?

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