Hi Sehat, I have read your writing. I am gonna try giving you a few suggestions.
Honestly, your first sentence is too long. As we know, we wanna communicate with readers, not to push them down to understand your writing. That seemed screwed up. I tend to agree that it's better if you did not include names of countries whole. That was sufficient on condition that you mentioned
the top five popular countries
Besides that, you don't the conclusion in the writing task 1 because you are only supposed to summarize the given information. That activity is well-known as making an overview. Therefore, you avoid using words " To sum up, to conclude, in conclusion, so on".
Turning to your overview, that is a good job. However, you can impress the examiner more if you can make it more attractive. I suggest you can convert to a description in the real activity.
Moreover, the most popular visited country by UK residents was France in 1999.
IN ANY CASE, CITIZENS OF UK WERE MORE FASCINATED TO TRAVEL TO FRANCE IN 1999.
For you body paragraph, if you wanna a higher score, you need a bravery more for comparing figures directly. The strong key to get the high score in the body paragraph is presenting comparisons.
Hopefully, these can help you to enhance quality of your writing.