Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

The number of UK residents going abroad and overseas residents visiting the UK - IELTS WritingTask 1


sehatdinati 7 / 21 5  
Feb 24, 2017   #1

migration to and emigration from the UK



The graph describes the number of UK residents going abroad from the UK and overseas residents visiting the UK between 1979 and 1999, whilst the bar chart provides information about how many UK residents traveled to the top five popular countries in 1999. Units are measured in millions of people.

The number of UK residents visiting overseas commenced nearly 15 million in 1979 and increased sharply to reach over 50 million in 1999. Furthermore, around 10 million overseas residents visited the UK in the first year before rising gradually to just under 30 million by the final year.

In 1999, France was the foremost visited country by more than 10 million UK citizens, followed by Spain at approximately 9 million. The USA and Greece had about 4 million and 3 million the UK visitors respectively. Turkey was the least popular country visited which had only about 2 million UK residents traveled there.

In brief, there was an increment in the number of visits to and from the UK and there were more visits abroad by UK citizens than visits to the UK by foreign people over the period given. Moreover, the most popular visited country by UK residents was France in 1999.




Holt [Contributor] - / 9,498 2949  
Feb 24, 2017   #2
Sehat, the inclusion of the names of the 5 countries in the summary statement would have made the first paragraph more complete in terms of summary overview. It would have also increased the number of your sentences which would have helped to prove a more increased understanding of the information provided and thus, increased the relevant scoring portions. Your presentation is clear and understandable. It does not offer any stress on the part of the reader because your language was simple enough to be understood. Overall, the essay accomplished the task except for a little redundancy in the first paragraph which lowered the score to just a 5 overall. Good work though. I expect to see continued improvement over the coming practice tests. Keep up the good work.
OP sehatdinati 7 / 21 5  
Feb 24, 2017   #3
@Holt

Dear Mary,
I try to revise my writing. Please kindly check it, and give me the score.

... the top five popular countries in 1999, namely France, Spain, USA, Greece, and Turkey. Units are measured in millions of people.

As is observed from the given data, the number of UK (...) and climbed significantly to reach ...
In particular, the number of international tourists travelling to the UK slightly improved since 1989, while number of UK people travelled outside rapidly moved upward after 1985.

In brief, there was a clear incremental in the number of visits to and from the UK. To sum up, there were more UK people visiting abroad than number of overseas citizens travelling to the UK over the period given. (...)
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Feb 24, 2017   #4
Hi Sehat, I have read your writing. I am gonna try giving you a few suggestions.
Honestly, your first sentence is too long. As we know, we wanna communicate with readers, not to push them down to understand your writing. That seemed screwed up. I tend to agree that it's better if you did not include names of countries whole. That was sufficient on condition that you mentioned

the top five popular countries

Besides that, you don't the conclusion in the writing task 1 because you are only supposed to summarize the given information. That activity is well-known as making an overview. Therefore, you avoid using words " To sum up, to conclude, in conclusion, so on".

Turning to your overview, that is a good job. However, you can impress the examiner more if you can make it more attractive. I suggest you can convert to a description in the real activity.

Moreover, the most popular visited country by UK residents was France in 1999.

IN ANY CASE, CITIZENS OF UK WERE MORE FASCINATED TO TRAVEL TO FRANCE IN 1999.
For you body paragraph, if you wanna a higher score, you need a bravery more for comparing figures directly. The strong key to get the high score in the body paragraph is presenting comparisons.

Hopefully, these can help you to enhance quality of your writing.
GOOD LUCK
^_^


Home / Writing Feedback / The number of UK residents going abroad and overseas residents visiting the UK - IELTS WritingTask 1