Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 8

IELTS Task 1: The number of visitors to three London museums.


tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
May 27, 2014   #1
The line graph below gives information about the number of visitors to three London museums between June and September 2013.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------

The line graph compares regarding the number of tourists to 3 London museums from June to September 2013.

It is clear that there are three museums; British, Science and Natural history museum. British museum records the same level between the first and the last period, and holds the highest number of visitors all the periods, while three museums have a significant increase in September.

In June, the highest number of travelers was recorded by the British museum at 600.000 visitors, whereas the Natural history museum caught by nearly 400 thousands visitors. In any case, the number of visitors who came in British museum reached a short of peak by merely 800 thousands in July 2013. However, the millions of visitors who visited at Science and Natural history museums dropped just under 400 thousands tourists.

A closer look at the data reveals that two museums which are located in London declined just under 500 thousands of tourists in August, whereas only the number of travelers in Science museum remained reasonably stable from July to August, at 480.000 visitors. Exceeding, in September there was a sharp incline of tourists in the three museums, at just over 400 thousand visitors. In dept analyzing, British museum had gradual rebound to the same figure in the first period of the summer season.




Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
May 28, 2014   #2
In June, the highest number of travelers was recorded by the British museum at 600.000 visitors, whereas the Natural history museum caught by nearly400 thousands visitor

... It is better you compared both Natural history museum and Science museum to give it a more complete finish. Also, the figure for Natural history museum is wrong here. It should be 550000 visitors. Science museum had 400000 :) You have to be very very careful with figures in this task ! This is what I suggest;

In June, British museum recorded the highest number of visitors in comparison with Natural history museum and Science museum, which accounted to 600,000 people. The Natural history museum had nearly 400,000 visitors and the Science museum, which recorded the least number of visitors, had been visited by 400000 people.
OP tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
May 28, 2014   #3
Pahan thanks for your suggestion, perhaps i will write more carefully in each figure.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
May 28, 2014   #4
the number of visitors who came invisited the British museum

1. Use visited instead of came in
come : to towards somebody/something to move towards you or arrive at the place where you are opposite go
visit: to go and spend time in a place or with someone, especially for pleasure or interest:

2. Put an article 'the' before British museum

500 thousands of tourists

500 thousand tourists
OP tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
May 28, 2014   #5
Thanks for this advice, when i wrote this essay i just wanna avoid the lack of lexical resources. I will pay attention with the synonym as per your suggestion.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
May 30, 2014   #6
It is clear that there are three museums; British, Science and Natural history museum

This is not a good point to come in your OVERVIEW. Here you should present the main trends and observations. This is just basic information which should have been in the intro.

British museum records the same level between the first and the last period, and holds the highest number of visitors all the periods, while three museums have a significant increase in September.

Well, there are more obvious and better trends than what you have explained above. See my suggestion;
The British museum maintained the highest number of visitors per month in summer against the other two museums while the Science museum recorded the least number of visitors. Both the British and Science museums had shown an increase in the number of visitors by the end of summer while the Natural History museum had recorded a decline in the number of visitors towards the end of summer.
OP tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Jun 1, 2014   #7
Hello Dumi, thanks for your explanation and I will write the overview as per your suggestion.
andial 21 / 48 3  
Jun 3, 2014   #8
The line graph compares regarding the number of tourists to 3 London museums from June to September 2013.

It is clear that there are three museums; British, Science and Natural history museum

Overview should actually present the general information or the main trends of the graph which may come up after analyzing the key feature. :-). That is why I suppose it is not good overview. :-(

merely, based on oxford dict, means simply or only. It seems likely to be inappropriate vocabulary in above sentence


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The number of visitors to three London museums.