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Number of visits to two new music sites on the web - 180,000 / 80,000


Eva Novita Sari 47 / 71 2  
Apr 10, 2014   #1
Question:
The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
_________________________________________________________________ _______
Answer:
The figures illustrate how visits to two new music sites on the web in the period. The line graph shows people using new music places on the internet in fifteen days period of time consist of music choice and pop parade.

In general, it can be seen from the graph that many people are doing to go to new places for hearing new music during fifteen day.

In the first day, music choice websites; 40,000 people went on this new site. On the contrary to this pop parade were visited by 120,000 people. However, people go to both it which decrease slightly and lines on internet dropped slowly reaching fall of 40,000 on 7th day. Furthermore, after 7th day undergo rose steadily nevertheless it still fluctuation.

Interestingly, there was a significant increase. Then, on 14th day undergo different between both music where music choice visited by 120,000 people. However, after 14th day declined steadily. On the contrary, pop parade visited by 162,000 people and on 15th day reach 165,000 people.

Overall, it can be concluded that the period pop sites were visited by maximum viewers of 180,000 whereas sites located to music choice were not explored by more than 80,000 explorers on the last day of the report.
bwosti 5 / 11 1  
Apr 10, 2014   #2
Suggestion: the figure illustrates.
Interestingly, there was a significant increase. I suggest this sentence should be completed more specifically by using object.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Apr 10, 2014   #3
First, you should upload the graph because it is very difficult for us to comment without seeing it.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 10, 2014   #4
You DO know no pictures here :(

Your sentence:
In general, it can be seen from the graph that many people are doing to go to new places for hearing new music during fifteen day.

Comments:
I fully well know how you were using "In general, it can be seen from the graph that" but it actually is not strong writing. It is verbose. If you think that you need to have Strong Writing , more succinctly !!!


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