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Writing task 1 ( numerous teachers who acceptance in ontario over 7-year period)


AK354 7 / 8 1  
Nov 29, 2016   #1
WRITING TASK 1

The graph illustrates about numerous teachers who acceptance in ontario over 7-year period from 2001 to 2007. Overall, Frence-language teachers were more acceptance than English-language teachers. After that, there was a upward trend of Frence-language teachers. In contrast, English-language teachers was fell gradually between 2001 and 2007.

As can be clearly seen, English-language teachers were decreased extremely from approximately 72 percent in 2001 to 40 percent in 2003. After that, there was a slighty rose in 2005 by 3 percent. Furthermore, there was decreased moderately to 28 percent in 2007.

The graph also shows French-language teachers was fell sharply from 70 percent in 2001 to around 52 percent in 2002. Then, rose again in 2003 by 10 percent. After that, there was a fluctuated between 2003 and 2007. Finally, there was a peak in 2007 at 73 percent.

Dioba 68 / 104 7  
Nov 29, 2016   #2
Hi, there are several advice for you.
1.The graph(what graph?bar chart? line chart) illustrates about (...) acceptance in Ontario (the name of a city) over 7-year period from 2001 to 2007 and is measured in percent

2.for writing task I, you need to write at least 150 words. It really affect on your task response
3.The graph also showsFurthermore , French-language teachers ...
4. After that, there was an (article) upward trend of France-language educators .
5. you need to paraphrase your introductory sentence and use some less common vocabulary to hone your score dude.

Keep writing dude!
Bams17 28 / 43  
Nov 29, 2016   #3
As can be clearly seen, English-language teachers ...

it can be seen or you can use other word such as based on the data/ according to the data/ in the begining, stood at etc

... slighty rose in 2005 by 3 percent. (make clear 3 percent from what?) Furthermore, there was ...
try to make lenght sentence using compund complex sentence.

The graph also shows French-language teachers was fell ...

use subordinating conjunction to make smoothly your body such on the other side, in the other word etc.

1. make sure that our word is enough because I count your writing contain 138 word (need at least 150)
2. use compound complex sentence.
mardian24 46 / 75  
Nov 29, 2016   #4
Hi alvin, let me give you some comments

1. Please insert the picture to make the reader easier to understand

2. Overall, Frence-language teachers werewas more acceptance
Because 'Frence-language teachers' is a category of the tabel, so it can be concluded that it is singular

3. After that, there was aan upward trend ...
Remember how to use article 'a' and 'an'

4. After that, there was a slighty roseslight rise in 2005

Thank you
Keep Writing
mem77 62 / 98 6  
Nov 29, 2016   #5
Dear Alfin, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!

After that, there was an upward trend ofin Frence-language teachers.

...English-language teachers were decreasedan extremely decrease from approximately ...

...there was a slighty roserise in 2005 by 3 percent. (In this case, the word 'rise' measured as noun)

...there was decreased a moderately decrease to 28 percent in 2007.

...was fella sharply fall from 70 percent ...

ThenHowever, this trend rose again in 2003 by 10 percent.

Regards
nurainiyusuf16 47 / 83 6  
Nov 30, 2016   #6
Hello @AK354!
Please kindly me to give you brief suggestions :)

1. Introduction
You should put:
- what the type graph about
- measurement
- what is the data
- period of time
Take a look at yours and mine below:
The bar graph illustrates the number of teachers who acceptance in ontario (...) measured by percentage.

2. Sentence structure and tenses
In contrast, English-language teachers was fell gradually ...
... English-language teachers were decreased extremely ...
After that, there was a slighty rose slight rise in 2005 by 3 percent.
Furthermore, there was decreased a moderate decrease to ...
The graph also showed French-language teachers was fell sharply from 70 ...
After that, there was a fluctuation between 2003 and 2007.
Finally, there was a peak in 2007 at 73 percent.
After that, there was a an upward trend ...

For next task, ATTACH THE GRAPH
it will help people to give corrections.

Hope it helps you :)


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