Hi, I am practicing for my IELTS test. Any feedback will be highly appreciated!
bigger salary for the society workers
Write about the following topic:
Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work that they do.
-How far do you agree?
-What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid?
Some people argue that it is unfair that despite the importance of their work for society, nurses, doctors and teachers do not earn a lot of money while many film actors and company bosses life in great luxury. Overall, I conform to this statement for numerous reasons.
First of all, I agree that nurses as well as teachers are largely underpaid. Nurses, in particular, work incredibly hard and often do not even make enough money to feed their families. This is unfair because their work, just like that of teachers and doctors, is invaluable to our society. I think that health and education fundamental aspects of our lives and people who work in these fields should be appreciated very highly.
That being said, I think that it is important to point out that doctors, at least in my home country Germany, are paid really well. I do by no means want to claim that this is unjust and that doctors should be paid less, I just want to emphasize that there is a large pay-gap between doctors and nurses which is astonishing, considering the fact that they often do a lot of similar work.
To sum this up, while I do not think that doctors are part of this category, I agree with the statement above in that certain jobs in our society are largely underpaid, especially in comparison to celebrities or people working in the economy. Hence, I think that it would be a good idea if the government of a country would consider the societal importance or welfare of a job when it decides how much people working in a certain field should be paid. If, for example, the wages for nurses were increased, this would be a large incentive for more people to work in this job. This, in turn, would be very beneficial for the country as a whole because at least in Germany, we currently do not have enough people who are interested in working in this field.
However, even though I think that the societal impact of a job is a criterion that should be taken into account when decisions about wages are made, I realize that the popularity of an actor or the success of a company CEO are also important factors that cannot be neglected. While these latter factors are taken into account more or less automatically on the economic market, however, I think that the government of a country should pay specific attention to the former factor.
Therefore, all in all, I think that people and I think that a government should take the societal impact of a job into account when deciding how much people are paid. This could balance out the current underpayment of people working in certain fields, such as nurses or teachers.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Antonia, and IELTS Task 2 essay is composed of a maximum of 5 paragraphs with 3-5 sentences within each paragraph. That is the standard for writing based on the type of prompt you are provided. For this prompt, you are expected to present 4 paragraphs composed of:
1. Prompt restatement
2. Extent of agreement or disagreement
3. Criteria for paying people
4. Concluding paraphrase / summary
Based on the above criteria, you can immediately tell that your essay goes beyond the borders of the requirements in terms of number of paragraphs presented. You also need to present a uniform 3-5 sentence paragraph that omits the use of run-on or long sentences. Both of these mistakes tend to immensely lower your score due to presentation problems and errors.
Your prompt paraphrase would have been correct if you had provided the measurement of your agreement with the statement and also, a direct response with regards to the criteria question. Remember, if it is directly asked in the prompt, then you should give a direct response in the paraphrase unless you are writing a public opinion plus personal opinion based essay.
While your discussion is very good, you missed the mark because of the length of your essay. Try to practice writing using a timer. Set the timer before you even read the prompt, then start writing. You will find that there is no way you can write 6 paragraphs within the allotted time and still have a few minutes to spare for proofreading and editing, which are very important to your presentation.
This is a good effort on your part but you still need a lot of practice runs before you can reach the level of an intermediate IELTS writer. I am confident that you can get there though because of the degree of intelligence that you show in your writing skills. Remember, when writing the Task 2 essay, don't over discuss it. Just respond directly to the questions in a simple paragraph format.
