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Obesity is an increasing public health problem in some parts of the world.

renzotello 2 / 2  
Sep 23, 2017   #1
In many countries obesity has become a major serious issue. I believe that junk food meals and the lack of obesity exercises are the major causes of this situation. Fortunately, although these issues have led to a rise in obesity, there are ways we can solve this problem.

In my opinion, the main cause of obesity is junk food. This contains high levels of sugar and salt. People also do not have enough time to cook at home.

They prefer eat outside rather than cooking. In addition, junk food is also cheaper and most people can afford it. All of theses causes can contribute to the increase in obesity.

Regular exercises is another cause of the increase in obesity. These days people are expected to work longer hours and dedicate less time to physical activities. People tend to prioritise other things like making friend or visiting a family member rather than making regular physical activities. This can lead to the increase in others health problems like heart attack or diabetes.

Fortunately there are several approach to this problem that can be done to reduce the obesity rate. Junk food should be regulated to protect obesity people. They require to comply information about ingredients and make them public on television. Raise taxes on junk food would be another solution. This can discourage the demand of this food. Promote exercises in public places like the par on weekend. This could encourage people to go out and practices outdoors exercises.

In conclusion, Although the lack of exercises and eating junk food are the major factors that people are getting overweight, there are several measures that can contribute to reduce this problem.

Please help to correct my essay I will appreciate it

Wakalanud 3 / 7 3  
Sep 23, 2017   #2
hay @renzotello bdw what kind of essay is this?
sfiza 17 / 28  
Sep 23, 2017   #3
@renzotello hello

it is not possible to suggest you anything about your essay without knowing the prompt. please provide the prompt.

by the way .. I read your essay , I think you need to read some articles to about basic writing structure.Normally you need to know your opinion phrase will come in conclusion part, and conclusion will be included at least 3 line otherwise it is not consider as a paragraph that is general rule for writing.

I hope it help u . :)
OP renzotello 2 / 2  
Sep 23, 2017   #4
writing 2 Obesity is an increasing public health problem in some parts of the world.
Explain some possible reasons for this problem and suggest some solutions
Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Sep 23, 2017   #5
Renzo, what is the prompt that you are responding to? It seems that you are not responding in the proper format to the original prompt requirements. I wish you had posted a copy of the original prompt so that I could have an idea as to what this discussion is all about and where it is supposed to be headed. As far as the format of the essay goes, it should look, in paragraph form, similar to this:

1. Paraphrased opening statement
2. Body paragraph 1 (side you do not support)
3. Body paragraph 2 (side you tend to support)
4. Your personal opinion that supports the previous body paragraph
5. Concluding statement

Using this format, it is clear that you should not have placed your personal opinion, which is underdeveloped in the presentation, at the top of the essay. It is always presented towards the end, in a completely developed paragraph. You are trying too discuss too many reasons within your paragraphs. The rule of thumb is that you use only one topic per paragraph. So that means one reason per body and one proposed solution. All of which needs to be presented in completely developed discussion patterns. That is why you are asked to present only one topic per paragraph. The examiner is more interested in how you express yourself in English rather than the number reasons that you can present in one paragraph.

Your conclusion is good but incomplete. You should have mentioned some of the solutions to obesity as presented in the essay. This essay shows that you have the potential to improve your work over time. You just need to keep practicing and making sure that you always provide the complete original prompt when you come here to ask for our opinion on your work.

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