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The obesity of people rises and their health condition is getting worse


linhchin 4 / 7 1  
Jul 15, 2019   #1

health and solutions



In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing.
What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?


It is true that the weight of people in many countries is increasing and their health condition is getting worse in recent years. There a variety of possible reasons for this, but some measures can be taken to tackle the problem.

In my opinion, there are two main reasons to blame for the bad health condition of people nowadays. Firstly, modern citizens tend to they eat more fast foods since they are living busy and hectic lives and do not have enough time to cook. These processed foods often include high amount of fat and cholesterol, which can lead to obesity and cardiovascular diseases. Secondly, many people these days live a sedentary, lazy lifestyle. Instead of going out or playing sports, they may prefer sitting at home watching television and surfing the internet. As a result, they do not get enough exercise and might have serious health problems such as diabetes.

However, the problem can be solved easily by changing some small habits. I believe that the change must start with meals, which need to be fresh and nutritious. People should have home-cooked food with wide range of vegetables and fruits, even when they are busy. In addition, exercises on a regular basis should also be taken. This may include simple activities such as dog-walking, riding bike to work or jogging in the morning. If people more spend time on going out than using phones, their health can be noticeably improved.

In conclusion, citizens' health condition will continue to deteriorate unless they change their unhealthy habits themselves.

solivagant 8 / 15 6  
Jul 15, 2019   #2
Hi @linhchin! I`ll try my best to help you.

Let`s begin with your introduction. Instead of "It is true that the weight of people ..." , you might say: " Weight gain has become a growing concern among the populations of many countries in recent years" For me, this sounds stronger.

In the second paragraph, "... to blame for the bad health condition" here "bad health" is too general. There are various forms of bad health. And you are supposed to explain the weight gain specifically.

Try to avoid the words with similar meanings that does not add any value to a sentence. For example, ".. live a sedentary, lazy lifestyle.."

Finally, you can improve the conclusion by efficiently summarizing the reasons and solutions given by you in the main paragraphs. "In conclusion, citizens' health condition will ..." This sentence looks more like an alternative idea or a prediction rather than conclusion.
kimmy2105 2 / 5  
Jul 15, 2019   #3
Hi, it's just my suggestion to help your essay better.
In the Body,
+"Firstly, modern citizens tend to ..." should be rewritten as " Firstly, in the hustle and bustle of life, day by day citizens tend to choose fast foods as their main dish...

+ "Secondly, many people these days ... As a result..." should be written as " Secondly, many people these days live a sedentary lifestyle. They prefer sitting at home watching television and surfing the internet to playing sports or doing exercises, which increase the probability of suffering from serious health problems such as diabetes, heart attack, and stroke.

Hope this helps. Good luck


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