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IELTS Writing task 2 - OBESITY IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM WHICH AFFECTS MANY


thaonguyen1902 2 / 1  
Jul 20, 2019   #1
Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Explain the main causes and effects of the problem, and suggest some possible solutions.

Life-Threatening Disease



Nowadays, Children all over the world are facing one of the top dangerous diseases of humans, named is obesity. This issue extremely threats their lives by giving negative impacts on different sides. This essay will address the main factors that cause obesity, its consequences and some possible solutions that we can use to avoid the problem

Obesity is a stage of having a higher percentage of fat than the needs of our body. Generally, it comes up with an unhealthy diet and lacking exercise activities. The question is why being fat is a warn in children.

Fortunately, children are born in the world having developing internet which provides many interesting games and easily attracts our young generation. Because of that, spending all day on playing games, social media is not a strange thing among children, that sets them apart from physical activity or anything to strengthen their body then their body will be slower and fatter. Currently, some articles informed about the deaths of many players who experienced playing computer games days by days. Therefore, game addiction contributes to an obese body and extremely damages your eyes.

On the other hand, diet also plays an important factor to determine a healthy or unhealthy body. Theoretically, If you want to lose weight or balance your body, you have to control your calories that means the amount of calories you absorbed has to be equal or lower than the consumable calories. Hence, an unhealthy diet mainly causes a fat body. Children are served a meal full of junk food every single day, though people know about the disadvantages of eating fast food, they ignore it and only focus on its benefit, saving time. Parents with their rushing life easily let their child enjoy fried chickens, chips, hamburgers, soft drinks without warning about fat, sugar ingredients that will make us overweight. In collaboration with lacking exercise, absorbing numerous calories by eating unclean food will transform our body badly.

Being overweight causes many serious problems for our health, it harms heart, liver and other organs with a high proportion of the amount of unnecessary lipid, carbohydrates. Scientists proved that obese people have a higher risk of meeting disease than fit people. Moreover, it also put a strain on hospitals as difficulties in transportation and serving facilities for overweight people.

To prevent this warning problem, children should have a healthier diet and a suitable exercise plan like playing sport and eating clean food. To make it happens, parents who play a role in this solution should take an action on their children daily diet and activity such as manage the time they spend playing game, control what kind of food they eat, educate them the effects of being fat and last but not least, spend your time to understand your child.

In conclusion, children are our future, giving them protection and good conditions are our missions to make a world better. Obesity is one of the threats that we should solve and keep our child growing up wise and healthy.

Cherry may 2 / 4  
Jul 20, 2019   #2
@thaonguyen1902
If you want to provide the example, please use 'such as ' which is more formal than like. Like is suited in speaking.
Eg, a suitable exercise plan like (such as ) playing sport and eating clean food
Maria [Contributor] - / 1,068 379  
Jul 21, 2019   #3
@thaonguyen1902
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll provide you with writing feedback on your writing. I hope you find this beneficial to your English learning process.

Firstly, your sentences have a tendency to be quite cluttered sometimes. Try to focus more onadding structure and dimension to your writing through incorporating more pauses and punctuation (in the appropriate places). If you do this, you'll improve the overall flow of your writing.

If you can also, try to incorporate more concrete examples to expound your thoughts and opinions. For instance, give examples and illustrations that vividly portray how specifically these healthy lifestyle habits can affect the overall behavior of children.

Best of luck as always.
OP thaonguyen1902 2 / 1  
Jul 21, 2019   #4
@Maria thanks for your helpful feedback


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