The only objective of an enterprise is to generate profit, however, I disagree with that idea

Q: The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?

The main objective of an enterprise is to generate profit. However, I disagree with that idea since the company is also responsible for improving employee's prosperity and society's living standards.

The company focuses on how to earn money and increase its profitability annually. It is thanks to they should rise and divide dividend to all investors who have funded operating business activities. In order to achieve the goal, they should allocate money to the commercial item instead of spend budget on something that has no return. Furthermore, the company should dominate the market. Although the company has been a market leader, who has had the biggest number of customers, they should design up-to-date business strategy to maintain their domination which aims to prevent new competitor enter the market and overtook their position.

Apart from previous explanation, the company has the importance role to improve the quality of living standards of their employees and society. It cannot be disputed that the employee is a company's asset and they should be threatened very well. Although they are uneducated people, the company's operation cannot run effectively without them. Once they attain special treatment and feel happy. It leads to increase company productivity as well as customer's satisfaction. Furthermore, people who live around the company should be one of the company's concerns. Although it does not automatically generate money, it will give positive impact in term of company image and reputation.

In conclusion, while some regard that the company should also concern on generating profit, I keenly disagree with such opinion because they have other responsibilities such as improving the employee's life and helping society who live around them.

Lincoln, your essay started out on a strong note, the paraphrased paragraph doesn't really fall under the required number of sentences which is 3. As such, the paraphrasing and the presentation of your opinion could have been made clearer and stronger to the reader. That is not the strongest problem of your essay though.

You made some grave mistakes in the grammatical accuracy of your thought development. Using terms such as "threat" instead of "treat" in reference to the way the businesses deal with their employees. Then, another serious problem with your coherence and cohesion performance appeared.

There is the sudden emergence of your thought that all business employees are uneducated. Where did you get that idea? It was not developed within the paragraph before it was introduced. What made you think that all employees are uneducated? There are blue collar and white collar workers, both have professional training in their field based upon some sort of education. It is not right to imply that they are uneducated. It shows a lack of analytical thought process on your end.

Due to the problems with your essay, I doubt you could get a higher overall score than a 4 in an actual test.