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The obligation of official training for children, to become proper parents, is not working.


erin24 12 / 13  
Jan 27, 2016   #1
Question:
Some people believe that children should have formal training at school to become good parents. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion.

Children nowadays should learn many things in order to improve their skill in the future. There is a view by some persons that children must receive official education at their school curriculum to be proper parents. Although some people argue that official education can help the children's future, I extremely believe that this is not the best solution because of inappropriateness.

Official training for being good parents in children's school curriculum is not suitable, which is inappropriate at their age. It is of disturbing effect for children growth, which is too far away from their age. In fact, they entrance the stage of children growth development which is exploring many things in their age by playing with other children, wherever and whenever. As result, children's school program for become good parents will force them to continue the next stage of growth by jumping too far and they will confuse with their role as a child. Therefore, force children, who are still underage, to achieve official education for being good parents is not workable.

However, there are enjoyable ways to give children time to comprehend their role in present and future from parents, not only from school. Firstly, parents can ask children to join in role play games. It will gain children to explore more things about how they become parents and what should they do and do not. Additionally, parents also should being best role model for them because in the future, they will remember what their parents did when educated and raised them. Finally, parents need to talk heart to heart with their children about their part in the family. It grants a room for children to understand what and how they will be in the future.

In brief, it is evident that obligation of official training for children, in school curriculum, to become proper parents is not workable. There are alternative ways by their parents to acquire them to obtain better children's future as parents which more enjoyable and suitable for their growth development.

puykcyt 2 / 3 1  
Jan 27, 2016   #2
Hi!
The first thing I would recommend with this essay is double checking your subject and verb agreement. I would also be careful about unnecessary word usage such as, "I extremely believe that this is not the best solution because of inappropriatenessdue to it being inappropriate ."

I would also review your use of prepositions as there are incorrect uses and placements of and missing prepositions.
"However, there are enjoyable ways to give children time to comprehend their role in the present and future fromas parents, not only from school."

"Children nowadays" -> Nowadays,children . (The original form is too casual.)
In addition, some of your sentences are slightly awkward in a way that causes them to lose their meaning. This sentence in particular stood out to me:

"Official training for being good parents in children's school curriculum is not suitable, which is inappropriate at their age. It is of disturbing effect for children growth, which is too far away from their age ." The red portion of the sentence isn't very clear on what you are trying to convey. I would suggest rearranging words in order to fix it.

Overall, your essay is very good at providing evidence and further thought to support your claims.Please maintain that quality as you make changes.
I wish you the best.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 27, 2016   #3
While the essay you present is based on logic, you have not considered one very important piece of information that should have been included in the discussion pertaining to the reason why schools wish to educate teenagers, not children, about becoming good parents. Consider that there are actually young parents who are still teenagers that need to take on the responsibility of raising a child themselves. Then it seems logical and imperative that "children" be educated by schools regarding good parenting.

Also, consider the fact that there are many parenting books out there for parents to study in order to teach them how to properly raise their children. Don't you think that the existence of these books makes it logical for schools to begin teaching proper parenting as well? That way these children will not grow up blind as to what comprises a good parent. It can also help them recognize if their parents are good or not and they can do something about it.

What I am trying to point out here is that before you write, you should consider all possible arguments and pick the most important ones to discuss in the essay. Don't always go for the obvious reasons, These unexpected lines of reasoning are what helps to set your essay apart and impress the examiner into offering it a higher grade consideration.


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