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Offences that are commited using a computer are more and more common this days..

tugyts 3 / 4  
Apr 15, 2016   #1
Internet crime is increasing rapidly as more and more people around the world are accessing the internet.
What are the worst internet crimes?
How can they be prevented?

Cyber crime is broadly defined by technology company,as any offences that are commited using a computer,network or hardware devices.It is not new occurence so many people are worriying about accessing internet.There are such pivotal kinds of crimes such as the spread of anonymous accounts and the duplication of original accounts.

Firstly,the copying of primary account is the biggest case to people who access to internet in order to do personal or business banking.For this reason,being cautious when giving out personal detail information such as financial information on the internet.There are many trickster people

who are using the internet to threaten to cause damage with the intent to exort from any person or other thing of value.Secondly,anonymously accessing in it to annoy , abuse ,threaten,or harass the person who receives the communication is a deceptive manner for somebody.

There are many steps to hinder as possible being trap.The first step could be constantly updating your personal information, thus preserved throughout accessing to web.The second step,installing security programs in computer would protect agains cyber criminals.In this way could be helpfull to be guarante that your privately owned knowledge could not be taken hold unauthorized.

To conclude , internet crimes are more pivotal offense related to people lives and getting danger for people,who are continuously users, but taking for guarante your personal information you have to be cautious and set the security programs are livesaving opinion to far away from any crimes.

and please could anyone give me points related to ielts writing score?

Wolf Larsen - / 127 47  
Apr 15, 2016   #2
Hello tugyts

These are some stylistic adjustments that you should consider applying to the text:

There are [...] In most cases, cyber-crime involves hacking into people's (bank?) accounts.
Firstly [...] For example, hackers often prey on people who assess their bank accounts via the Internet.
being cautious [...] Therefore, people must exercise caution while using the Internet to do banking.
There are many [...] There are many con-artists out there, who approach gullible individuals online for the purpose of money extortion.
Secondly [...] Some people also make a deliberate point in browsing the web anonymously, in order to be able to get away with harassing others.
There are [...] There are a few things that can be done by a person to reduce the risk of him or her being victimized online.

In this way [...] This should prevent one's personal information from being shared with a third party, despite the concerned individual's will.
To conclude [...] The last sentence is rather unintelligible.. You should consider shortening it. You could say: Because cyber-crime is on the rise, people should never cease applying a continual effort into making sure that their personal information is safe and secure.

I hope it helped. (Not sure about the score) Regards.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Apr 16, 2016   #3
Hi Tugba, as it seems that you have put up a good argument here on your essay, I would like to help out in making it an even stronger essay. I will focus on the first 2 paragraphs so you can follow through;

- technology companycompanies ,
- It is not new occurr ence that
- accessing the internet.

- Firstly ,the copying of
- case tothat people
- who access tothe internet
- personal and detailed information - There are many trickster pP eople are pulling tricks on those
- SecondlyNext ,anonymously
- accessing in itpersonal information to annoy , - the communication is a deceptive manner for somebodyinformation ( the rest of the phrase is not necessary to the sentence nor to the paragraph ) .

There you have it Tugba, I hope the corrections I made are useful.
Now, with regards to your other concern, writing for IELTS is very crucial, very complicated yet very challenging and you will find it very rewarding in the end, the main thing that you have to take note of is to follow the English language rules, rules such as subject - verb agreement, proper tenses, proper clause, etc., this are vital to attaining better score at an IELTS writing,

I wish you the best of luck and I hope to see more if your work soon.
Lunazimnavi11 4 / 6 1  
Apr 17, 2016   #4
Hello tugyts,

I red your essay and found several misspelling words, also about the punctuation.
- against
- helpfull
- guarantee
- livesaving = life-saving / lifesaving

Furthermore, i try to make an introduction to the first paragraph.
The rapid development of technology, especially in the communication sector, is likely a coin with two sides. The Internet can be accessed by majority of people that can cause cybercrime in several ways. Explaining the crimes on internet and the prevention of the cybercrimes will be elaborated in this essay.

Thank you, I hope it can help you.

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