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Whether to offer a higher education in high unemployment rate countries? ielts essay.

Ericidelia 2 / 3  
Nov 19, 2013   #1
Thanks for any comments and correction on grammar, words even the whole structure. I will appreciate your selfless help.

The unemployment rate is very high in many countries. Some people think that in these countries, young students only need to receive primary education. Secondary education should not be offered to those who will have little hope of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Along with the increasing population and fierce competition upon business, the career opportunities tend to become more scarce for all the job hunters, especially the young generations. As a result, a school of thought claim that primary education is enough based on current situation and pursuing a higher certification seems to be worthless for all the students, however, it is unfair and unreasonable to make such perfunctory statement .

Initially, receiving better education and harvesting corresponding degrees, to most people in some extent, is to expend their worldviews and add color to life tract rather than a solitary goal of hunting a chance of ideal job. As through mastering the principle of operation of world or digging the secrets inside of their adorable subjects, they can even rather to end heir life with happiness upon finishing their tasks to life, putting another word. They receive a deeper education for good to themselves.

Furthermore, putting restriction on a further education seems to be unfair to students who hold an ambitious faith on displaying themselves to world. It seems ridiculous to stop students to perfect themselves to qualify their dream just depending the bad labor situation. If the rules are really put into effect, the possibility of better supplement blood to job market would be also driven to death.

However, some insist offering a higher or tertiary education is wasting the energy which should has been used in finding jobs. Although the truth of low employment rate in the contemporary society, a primary basis would force them even harder to find a basic job. to some sense, however, learning can even help people creating more fields or jobs, therefore, through another way releasing the pressure on job markets.

In conclusion, students should be encouraged to be provided a deeper education which help them recognize and perfect themselves better, moreover, can also make a contribution by creating more jobs.

Duva 2 / 3 1  
Nov 20, 2013   #2
You have used wide range of vocabulary, this is the good side of your essay.

Your opinion is not clear. They asked you, do you agree or disagree. But you only give positive statements, not anything
About disagree.
The job hunters
Job hunters ( do not need to make it specific with the) we have no idea that, job hunters are male or female, about numbers
OP Ericidelia 2 / 3  
Nov 20, 2013   #3
Thank you DUMI
Thank you for reminding me of cutting the sentence shortly to looks more brief. i will keep that in mind.
But i just can not stop writing the sentences, when i feel the sentence should be ended, then i realized it is too late, the whole sentence is too long....

Could you recommend some solutions to my current situations? Thanks again for the help before.

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