Unanswered [11] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

To the Office of Student Financial Aid: writing to appeal the loss of my Gold Scholarship


Devo7 1 / -  
Jul 31, 2016   #1
Scholarship Appeal Letter for not meeting the GPA and Credit Hour Requirements.

Hi,

Below is my appeal letter for my scholarship. I would greatly appreciate your critic on my content and grammar.

To the Office of Student Financial Aid:

I am writing to appeal the loss of my Gold Scholarship due to not meeting the grade point average and credit hour requirements. I understand I must maintain a 3.3 grade point average for the Gold Scholarship. I fell slightly below with a 3.01 after winter 2016. The Gold Scholarship requires that I earn at least 24 credit hours during the Fall and Winter academic year. I passed a total of 26 credit hours, but earned 21. I understand the importance of the requirements for the scholarship and I understand that I am solely responsible for not meeting them. Please allow me to explain the circumstances that led me to not meeting the scholarship's expectations.

During the academic year I was faced with a stress-inducing dilemma that took a toll on me and ultimately my academic performance. My grandfather was rushed to the hospital and suddenly passed away on October 6th, 2015. This was extremely devastating to me. I was very close with my grandfather. I always looked up to him. He was one of the key figures in my life when it came to my education. He always told me how important it is to do well in school so I can build a bright future for myself. I am the first person out of my family to attend a university. My grandfather's support has helped me come this far. It was hard for me to focus to my full potential because I was grieving at the same time. After a few months, I came to the realization that I could not let my grandfather's untimely death get in the way of my studies. I turned grieving into determination. I decided to give it my all and stay focused on pursuing my education which is what my grandfather would have wanted.

I was unaware that Math 0993 was not a degree accredited course. Had I earned the five credits I thought I was taking, I would be over the required credit hours. I have learned from this experience, and I now read everything in its entirety when I register for courses.

I am currently enrolled in Philosophy 1050 for the Summer 2016 term to meet the 24 earned credit hours as well as to obtain a higher GPA. My average right now for Philosophy 1050 is a 96 percent. I have devised a plan of action to give me a better vision on reaching my goal. I have went over my plan of action with my academic advisor on July 14th. I have attached my plan of action to this letter as well as other supporting documents for your review and consideration.

I understand that these circumstances should not have been an excuse for me not meeting the Gold Scholarship's expectations, but I hope that you can understand my situation. I realize that this scholarship is a privilege and should not be taken for granted. I have always been very driven to achieve anything I set out to do. If you allow me another chance to receive the Gold Scholarship, I would honor it with the highest regards. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Warmest regards,

Devin C. Thompson (Walker)

Hiddengrace 6 / 119 68  
Jul 31, 2016   #2
Hey Devin! Welcome to EF. I think you have a really great letter started here. I really like how determined you are, especially that you are showing determination to improve as soon as you realized you were doing poorly. It didn't take you until after your scholarship was removed that you started to improve. It also shows you understand the requirements, how you went wrong, and what you are doing to fix it. I also like that while you are asking for your scholarship to be reinstated, you are taking responsibility for not meeting the requirements and aren't trying to make excuses.

Really I don't have too much for you. I was going to say I think you need to talk more about how you plan to do better but if you've attached a plan of action that is unnecessary.

I passed a total of 26 credit hours, but earned 21 credits .
stress-inducing dilemmaI wouldn't say "dilemma" here. Dilemma speaks more to me about a tough choice or something, not the death of someone important to you.

I was very close with my grandfather.and I always looked up to him. the reason I suggest using "and" to join those two thoughts is because you have a lot of short, simple sentences in a row.

person out ofin or from my family to attend
I would maybe explain more about the Math 0993 thing. It's just a really odd, short paragraph and needs more of something. Maybe some example of how you've employed this new lesson when registering.

I have went over my plan of action or even better to say you "discussed" you plan of action".

That's all from me. Take care and good luck.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Aug 5, 2016   #3
Hi Devin, don't you think it will not be good to talk about your weakness in your appeal for scholarship?, because I think so, the reason being, this letter is an appeal for you to get to school and anything weak will not help your application.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mean that you have to be upbeat and focus on just the positive attributes of your academic standing, however, the way it was presented in the essay, it needs a little enhancement.

Introduction
- I am writing to appeal the loss of my Gold Scholarship
* in this part of the essay, you can eliminate the word "loss" in the introduction, as this essay is tagged as an appeal, so pretty much the purpose of the letter is already established.

3rd paragraph
- I was unaware that Math 0993 was not a degree accredited course. Had I earned the five credits I thought I was taking, I would be over the required credit hours.- this particular information can also be eliminated as this will only bring a weaker understanding in your position as a scholarship holder.

As much as I would like to agree with you that the mentioned issues are not to be regarded as excuses, there some circumstances that we don't have the power to control of, I do hope that you will be able to get back on track and do let us know what comes out of this appeal, we'd love to hear from you.


Home / Writing Feedback / To the Office of Student Financial Aid: writing to appeal the loss of my Gold Scholarship