Teenagers are the new generation power of nation. Young people in some countries do not have enough spare time, then they life in under line of happiness to do hard studies. In my eyes, most of people have a tendency that a degree of informal school is the main term to get a great future and the atmosphere of competition in class drives children getting stress. Thus, this case can be measure with a parental approach and physical activity to make balance the time between academic and leisure activities for their children.
I don't know if I have reached expert or not :) But here is my opinion. If it's wrong, feel free to tell me will you :)
Teenagers are the new generation power of nation.
I think it's grammatically wrong? maybe "Teenagers are the new generation that holds most power of the nation" seems clearer?
Young people in some countries do not have enough spare time, then they lifeas they livein under line of happiness to do hard studies
Well I don't think this sentence well support the previous one, I see no relation much don't you think?
In my eyes, most of people have a tendency that a degree of informal school is the main term to get a great future and the atmosphere of competition in class drives children getting to stress.
Well I see your point, however if you write "most people agree that" for "have a tendency:' means they are about to do something right, or are on a trend to do sth.
Thus, this case can be measured with a parental approach and physical activity to make balance the time between academic and leisure activities for their childrenthat children spend on academic and leisure activities .
Technology changes people's life.Some sophisticated technologies provide possibility for employers to work at home rather than going to office. As a result, some people believe that working from home brings many benefits for office workers .
Well as for me, this intro and specifically these sentences are problematic. Well, because
Some sophisticated technologies provide possibility for employers to work at home rather than going to office.
doesn't mean that
working from home brings many benefits for office workers.
see? You should rewrite your intro :)
However, it can be felt that computers and modems help workers to do much working activities, while those technologies can be a hindrance for employers to commit with their responsibility.