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Oil pipelines project has been protested by Native American

mdamanhuri77 22 / 35 3  
Sep 13, 2016   #1
It is very compulsory to enhance our quality of environment around us. Especially, for our next generation. Wayde Schafer of the North Dakota branch of environmental organisation the Sierra Club said that the native Indian intend to leave clean water for their great-grandchildren.

The pipelines that link several oil field of North Dakota to an existing pipeline in Illinois was protested by The Native because it can establish more damagely for their environment. They worried that the pipes are going to bother culture sites and threaten water supplies to several areas.

The government has the project halted to avoid the environment damage. The Corps should halted their activity to continue dig and put the pipeliens around Lake Oahe. Sacres Sites will be the concerned area that must be the holy site without any agreement.

Tribal sovereignty and water quality become the populer issue that make another country intended. The indian need to permanently look after their sacred sites and water.

What do you think?
Wolf Larsen - / 127 47  
Sep 13, 2016   #2

Your text does make much sense. However, you'll be much better off rewriting most sentences for stylistic reasons (to make the text sounding more professional). Below are the examples of how this could be done:

It is very [...] important to invest heavily in the protection of the natural environment.
Especially [...] This suggestion is especially relevant for the representatives of my generation.
branch of the environmental organisation the Sierra Club...
the native Indian [...] the Natives...
The [...] building of the [..] pipelines... washas been protested, on account of these people's environmental considerations.
should halted [...] stop building the pipeline around...
Sacres [...] Sacred sites represent the greatest matter of concern, in this respect.
the populer issue that make another country intended [...] this sentense doesn't make much sense.
The indian [...] The Natives must apply a continual effort into keeping their holy sites free of any environmental pollution.

I hope this helped. Regards.
fadhilmd25 41 / 75 11  
Sep 13, 2016   #3
Dear mdmanhuri, here are some advices:

the use of words are good enough, but need to be more specific for this topic, still can be elaborate more
the tense form also can be improved by using complex sentence to simplify the main idea
the cohesion for para 1 to 2 is well written, but for para 3 to para 4 need to be changed
ending it with rhethorical question Is good, but your rhethorical question is inappropriate in need to be changed
thank you

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