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Writing task 1: Oil use of major consumer


Tienane 1 / -  
Oct 25, 2018   #1
Please help me check and correct this essay. Thank you very much

the amount of oil consumed in the world



The line graph illustrates how oil was consumed per day by 4 different areas between 2009 and 2030.
Overall, after 2015, oil consumption in Western Europe/Japan and the US is predicted to decline, by contrast to expected increase in China and the Middle East. In addition, the US will remain the major consumer throughout the period.

In 2009, US is a place in which used the largest amount of oil, at about 10 million barrels per day. The figure for Western Europe/Japan was considerable lower at 4 million and just around 2 million barrels in China and Middle East. By 2015, there was a stable fell in oil consumption in US and Western Europe/Japan, while consumption increased in China and Middle East.

By 2030, the amount of oil consumed per day in the US is projected to decline rapidly, from 10 million barrels in 2009 to only about 4 million barrels, It is still higher than that of the other areas. Similar to the figure for Western Europe and Japan, It is expected to remain stable reduction, at just above 2 million. In contrast, there is a prediction that the number of barrels of oil consumed daily in China and Middle East will go up to approximately 3 million barrels per day.




Hammy 13 / 35  
Oct 25, 2018   #2
i think u should watch out in using advert as ' considerably lower' instead of ' considerable lower' or add 'gradually' ( increased gradually in China...). secondly, in 2015, consumption oil in US dropped noticeably, not stably. at the line chart, i see that US and Western Europe/Japan had different consumption decreases in 2015

it means that u analysed in a wrong way.

So bad to say that i feel disappointed bc of your essay. read more and learn a lot from other essays!!!
Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Oct 26, 2018   #3
Tien, the main problem you will have with this essay is that your GRA score will be failing and as such, you will not be able to produce enough of a scoring consideration in the remaining parts to pull your final score up to at least a passing score. Your constant difficulty with time frame references make this essay extremely stressful to read. You use past tense references for both the past and future tense presentations. This shows a very low understanding of how to compose English sentences and creates a difficult to understand paragraph. That means the C&C score for your essay will also be reduced along with the GRA score for your sentence structures. You won't have too much of a problem with regards to your vocabulary and TA sections but then, it won't matter because you already failed everything else.

In addition to that, your summary overview is missing a few important elements such as the names of the 4 countries, the type of measurement used, and years indicated. Finally, you forgot to compare the overlapping points in the line graph which indicate points where oil consumption would be the same for all 4 nations. That is important because these illustrations always ask the writer to "make comparisons where applicable" and you failed to do that.

Good work on the trending statement though. That is the one part you got right in this essay.


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