Hi everyone, could you please help me in improving this essay and also how to better write opening and closing sentence?
Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement ? It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends.
Friends are the most important part of your life and most precious gift of god. We spend most of our time with our friends.Friendship is one relation on earth, which you choose by yourself as compared to other relations(like parents, siblings, etc) which are given to you by god. It has also been scientifically proven that, if you are friends with someone for more than 6 years, you are friends for life.I strongly believe that it's important to keep old friends as compared to making new friends for following reasons.
First of all, trust between two people is build over a period of time and therefore trust between two old friends is more strong as compared to new friends. So, it's easy to share your feelings and problems to a person whom you trust more. For example, in my case whenever I am despondent and unhappy, I share my problems with my old friend because I know she understand me and she can give me right advise to come out of that situation.I trust her and know that she will never tell my personal things to someone else. But it's difficult to open up on your problems and personal matters with a new friend.
In addition to that, old friends know your strengths and weaknesses very well. They can always guide you in right direction.They understand how and in which situation you can perform better, things you are more comfortable with. While on other hand, it takes time to know likes and dislikes in a newly develop friendship.For instance, When I was on deciding mode of my career, I was not sure which stream should I choose. That time quite a old friend of mine suggested that you should go for engineering as you have good acumen and strong problem solving skills. I followed her advice, and now I am an engineer. I always thank that friend to show me the right direction.
In conclusion, an old friend is definitely more important in life than a new friend. As the old adage "old is gold", we should also cherish our old friends.
Hello RachelG
I find your essay rather well written. Still, you could apply a few corrections. If you say 'on Earth' you should use a capital letter, because the reference is made to the planet. When you refer to the soil (as substance) than you say 'earth'. Also, you should consider eliminating the phrase 'It has also been scientifically proven' unless you want to substantiate this claim with the reference to some scientific study. If I were you, I would also remove the idiom 'First of all' for stylistic reasons. It would be much better if you say 'First - ' (argument), 'Second - ' (argument).. etc.). Finally, you could mention what is the main advantage of making new friends - it will add objectivity to your text. Regards.
Your essay is well written, but needs a little attention. As far as your opening line, I think you should capitalize God, because that is how it is classically written!
most precious gift of god...
most precious gift of God...
Secondly, your organization needs a little help. You give two paragraphs to why old friends are better, but you lack a contrast paragraph which outlines why new friends could lend perspective of the moment. And then there is the adage, "you can't have too many friends".
[/First of all....in addition...font]
Despite these advantages, new friends could lend some perspective, especially if you meet them at a critical time in your life, right when you need some help. For example, if you attended a convention, you might meet friends of that weekend who were specialists in the subject you needed help with.
Your closing line is fine but a closing paragraph would have more lines. You need to stretch it out, and use the line you have as the last sentence of an entire concluding paragraph.
All in all, good start! Just make some of the corrections I mentioned, to make an improvement on what you have.
ef_carol
