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IELTS ESSAY- Old people are more valued than the youth?


Lorica 3 / 6 2  
Apr 21, 2013   #1
In some cultures, old people are more valued, but in other cultures, the youth are more valued. What's your opinion?

Old and youth exist in our society as a common appearance. What's under controversy is that whether old people or youth are more valued. In my point of view, old people are always playing an irreplaceable role in our society so that they definitely have the better value.

What's of priority is that old people always have more experience than the youth. As we know, the youth usually ask for help from the old people when they are suffering failure or having some emotion problems. They want to get more advice from the old instead of the age mates because of their valued experience and wisdom. The second thought is that it can be easily seen that most companies or organizations are run by the old. For instance, the cosmetics ads on the screen may make people feel that the cosmetic companies are run by the youth. On contrast, showing the youth on the screen is only a way to attract more clients' attention and the leaders of the company are mostly old. Moreover, the affection of age would help old people to receive more respect than the youth. In that case the words said by old people can influence more people than the youth.

However, aging population is still facing some problems. The procession of aging population is inevitable and undeniable, in that case youth should spend more time in taking care of the old people instead of working or relaxing. Secondly, creative ideas which can help us to develop new things would be less worked out by old people. Thirdly, old people spend less time on shopping which would also slow down the economic growth.

In conclusion, aging population has both merits and demerits, but the advantages it brings us are much more than the disadvantages.
ningo 22 / 53 9  
Apr 21, 2013   #2
As we know,

The truth is that the youth usually ask for...

valued experience and wisdom

their valuable experiences and wisdom

On contrast

In contrast

spend more time in taking care of the old people

spend more time on taking care of the old
christyzhongs 7 / 21 1  
Apr 23, 2013   #3
Hi, Lorica

Please find my suggestions as following:
1. I like your first paragraph that you state your clear opinion with reason.
2. In 2nd paragraph, i feel the 'For instance, the cosmetics ads on the screen may make people feel that the cosmetic companies are run by the youth. On contrast, showing the youth on the screen is only a way to attract more clients' attention and the leaders of the company are mostly old.' not supporting your 2nd point.

3. In 3rd paragraph, i would suggest you add one example to extend the length of your paragraph.
4. The last point in 3rd paragraph, i feel a little bit not relavant. I think there are still some points can talk
like : old generations should take a rest and give more job opptunities to young generations
Old generations may not keep pace with the world, not familiar with the new technology/trend/use the old concept to manage the company/ react slowly, too much considerations ----it may leads to failure in the mordern world.

I like your 2nd point actually, maybe you can give an example like Bill Gate.
5. The last paragraph, you would better emphasized you view in paragraph 3 and 4, and give your opinion again.
OP Lorica 3 / 6 2  
Apr 23, 2013   #4
got it, thx~~~!
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Apr 24, 2013   #5
Old and youth exist in our society as a common appearance.

... This is a too obvious idea. You need a line with more punch to start an essay.

In some cultures, old people are more valued, but in other cultures, the youth are more valued.

What's under controversy is that whether old people or youth are more valued

Actually, your prompt does not talk about any controversy. It says that in some cultures the youth are valued more than the old. So, you need to align your sentences with the topic theme. In the introduction you need to introduce your topic to the reader and then state your opinion. Also it's important maintain a proper alignment with your topic throughout your essay.


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