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Not only older people can be good company leaders - IELTS 2

trannhutoan2002 1 / -  
May 13, 2019   #1

Aged boss or a young leader of a company

Topic: The leaders of organisations are often older people. But some people say that young people can also be leaders.
Do you agree or disagree?

It is true that bosses play critical roles in consortiums. While some people think that younger generations are likely to be good at leadership, I strongly believe that older people are much more suitable to handle these important positions due to their long-term experiences and sustainable relationships.

On the one hand, it is accepted that junior people have potentials to be a good leader. Firstly, young people are energetic and enthusiastic. As many jobs, nowadays, require each individual especially the leaders the ability to tolerate the work overload with high pressure. And the youth with good health conditions can come up with many solutions even when they are being affected by stress and tiredness. By contrast, ole people' health, in general, is very poor so it will be such a challenge for them to make proper decisions in tense situations under the overwhelmment of work. Secondly, junior people, nowadays, are more talented and more creative than the elders. This good point help them to solve the problems more easily and effectively than the older people. For example, a teenager can bring in many advertising strategy that contributes to the increase in the income of a company.

On the other hand, senior people are believed to be much better at leading the organisation. First of all, older people accumulate more experiences than younger people in many fields. This helps them to make wiser decision and bring more success to the company. For instance, older directors have learnt from the past for several times so they will know clearly about what strategy is the most efficient for the growth of the business. Secondly, the elderly are usually respected by lots of members in an organisation because of their communication skills. Old people are experienced in listening and understanding other individuals, which helps them to build up many good relationships not only in their companies but also in society. Therefore, senior people are more powerful and their speech can influence other people easily. Obviously, older people totally have more advantages in leading an organisation.

In conclusion, I hold the belief that critical positions of authority should be given to senior people due to their experiences and good social relationships.

Maria - / 1,100 389  
May 13, 2019   #2
Be wary of using forms that are more appropriate in the structure of your sentences. Always be consistent when it comes to writing. This is applicable in nearly all grammatical and technical aspects of writing - because ensuring that you follow through from the beginning till the end of your essay is key. Try not to create running sentences that do not have formal/functional structures.

In addition to all of this, it would be beneficial if you could also make your sentences more concise. If you have hold over this technique, you'll find that you can cut down on unnecessary words; using this will help you have more depth to your essay.

Let's try to revise a few parts of your essay in accordance to these comments.

On the one hand, younger people are energetic and enthusiastic, making them good leaders. Because most jobs require tolerance for heavily pressured work, the good health conditions of young people can help. Contrastly, the health impediments of older people make it challenging for them to handle stressful situations. Secondly, young people hold more innovative creativity than the elderly. [...]

I suggest that in the succeeding sentences after this portion, you should try to integrate more ideas on why more creative minds are from young people. You can discuss, for instance, how accessibility to modern-day technology ensures that they never run out of ideas. While, on the other hand, adapting to these newfound techniques is generally harder for older people due to their age.

Notice how merging your synonymous thoughts together creates a more dynamic approach to writing. Doing this will make sure that you do not waste space in your essay. Using words such as junior people also is seen as a less academic approach to writing it out - instead, always try to opt for more formal words when you are writing.

Think of these as you are writing. Best of luck!

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