Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 10

Older people think the world was a better place when they were young.


sachin0312 2 / 6  
Mar 26, 2013   #1
1) Older people think the world was a better place when they were young. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion
It is irrefutable that world of early centuries was better place to live than today's modern world. Many arguments surround my opinion.
First of all today whole world is heading toward the doom because of the dire Global Warning problem. Increasing population and pollution are the main reason behind this situation. This has many detrimental effects on human as well on animal health. Demand of homes increased significantly because of which land is becoming scarce. Growing traffic is another dire problem of today's world because of which pollution is increasing exorbitantly. Level of drinking water has enormously fallen down because of the modern agricultural technique and industrialization.

However the epoch when elderly people were young was totally different, there were not any such problems like pollution and traffic. They were used to spend lot of time with their family and friends, which is very difficult today to spare some time for family. This is turns increased strain in family relationship. Moreover Today's young generation just ignoring the cultural values. For instance, in the country like India who has reach cultural heritage, young population is thinking that its culture is obsolete and they are adapting the western culture. But they are forgetting the fact that diversity is imperative in order to present our-self different from other.

On the other hand I agree to the fact that today we have many advanced technologies like Computer, Internet, mobile phones etc. which has improved our lifestyle and made many difficult things easy. For example Internet and mobile phone has made communication very easy and fast. Improvement in medical science has increased the human life.

To put in the nutshell, I pen down by saying that, even though we have advance technology today but we have lost the peace of mind and relaxed life and relief. That's why I feel that world of early centuries was the better place.

chessman567 5 / 170 11  
Mar 26, 2013   #2
It is irrefutable that THE world of early centuries was A better place to live than today's modern world. Many arguments surround my opinion. - this makes no sense at all. How about try this- This can be exemplified through the pollution that is currently plaguing our planet.

First of all today whole world is heading towardthe doom because of the dire Global Warning (lowercase- global warming, not Global Warming) problem.

- WE DO NOT REALLY KNOW IF THERE IS GLOBAL WARMING YET SO I SUGGEST THAT YOU DON'T PUT THAT. IT IS VERY CONTROVERSIAL. If you want to put it there, then you have to back it up with evidence, but it is not proven yet.

An Increasing population and pollution are the main reason behind this situation.

To put in the nutshell,- wrong idiom. In a nutshell is correct.

There are a lot more mistakes, so revise and then I will help you more.
OP sachin0312 2 / 6  
Mar 26, 2013   #3
Thanks chessman567 for your valuable inputs, I will definitely revise the essay.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 26, 2013   #4
Theywere used to spend lot of time with their family and friends

This isin turns increased strain in family relationship.

.... I guess it's a typo
This situation strains family bonds and relationships.
Well.... I see Chess has suggested very good points. I guess you are preparing for IELTS or TOEFL. If that is the case, I strongly advise you to stick to one reason per body para and support that reason with a specific example. These exams have a major bearing on time and one reason with one specific example is the best way to handle it. :)
OP sachin0312 2 / 6  
Mar 26, 2013   #5
dumi
Thanks Dumi...Thanks for the suggestion...Yes I am preparing for the IELTS...I'll be posting more Essay and letters... your help to correct me will be more appreciated.
g2080800 3 / 6  
Mar 27, 2013   #6
Your examples are quite good. Just beware of using the idiom and you can achieve your goal. Keep working.
OP sachin0312 2 / 6  
Mar 27, 2013   #7
can you please give me some examples of good idioms...
chessman567 5 / 170 11  
Mar 27, 2013   #8
Ummm...

Well, check out this site:

kopitiamenglish.blogspot.com/2011/06/idioms-in-essays.html

Maybe that will help you. If you need anything else, just let me know.
ezarytska - / 1  
Mar 27, 2013   #9
A Big Mouth
» Refers to a gossip monger.
» Someone who cannot keep a secret.
OP sachin0312 2 / 6  
Mar 28, 2013   #10
ezarytska
Thanks a lot Chess :)


Home / Writing Feedback / Older people think the world was a better place when they were young.