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The Oldest People Love To See Cinema ___ IELTS Task 1


ANSOR99 10 / 6 3  
Apr 4, 2016   #1
TASK 1.
The line graph below gives information on cinema attendance in the UK.

Answer:


A breakdown of the proportion of four age groups who came to the movie theatre in United Kingdom from 1990 to 2010 as a projected year, a two-decade period, was revealed in the line graph. Overall, it can be seen that all age categories experienced a significant increase from the beginning to the last year, but in the middle of period, there were a slight decrease for all age types.

According to the data, in 1990, the two age groups such as aged 44-54 and 34-44 stood at the highest rates; 37%, 36%, respectively, while other classes (both aged 24-34 and 14-24) started from 24 and 15%. Then, in 1995 saw an slight rise about 1-3 percent for all categories. Unfortunately, in next five years, approximately all age types except the oldest ages fell steadily over the rate of the beginning.

By 2000, it had showed that the highest figure of visiting to the cinema was still held by the oldest group, whereas the lowest stage was displayed by aged 14-24; 12%. Furthermore, in the middle of period, all age types of movie viewers inclined dramatically about 10% and in 2010, nearly four categories did not witness increasing significantly .




wahyu 16 / 28 1  
Apr 4, 2016   #2
What app bro Ansorry, your essay is good, i have suggestions to your introduction paragraph.

you could use this pattern :
1. Reserve some of the information, paraphrase and use some synonyms.
2. Overview the information

... as a projected year, a two-decade period,was revealed in the line graph. Overall, it can be seen that ...

my suggestion :
A breakdown of the proportion of British people who saw the film in the United Kingdom cinema on two decades after 1990 is revealed in this line graph. Overall, it can be seen that although all age categories experienced a significant increase from the beginning to the last year, there were a slight decrease for all age types in the middle of period.
Masfufah 10 / 12  
Apr 10, 2016   #3
Hi Ansor, let me check your essay !

... who came to the movie theatre in the the United Kingdom (USA and UK have special article THE while others do not need ) from 1990 to 2010 as a projected year , a two-decade period, wasis revealed in the line graph.

... but in the middle of period, there werewas a slight decrease for all age types.

here some corrections from, hope it help.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 16, 2016   #4
Ansor, you still need a lot of work to do. If you aim to reach band 6 or above, avoid making many/some grammatical mistakes by carefully selecting the appropriate word or punctuation for each sentence. You can see my corrections and feedback below:

- A breakdown of the proportion ofinformation about ...
- ...from 1990 to 2010 as a projected year, a two-decade period,wasis revealed... (I have deleted some redundant words and change the tenses into present, since it is a general truth / fact about the description of the graph)

- ...it can be seen that, all age (comma is needed)
- ...period, there werewas a slight decrease
- ...stood at the highest rates; 37%, 36%, at approximately 37 and 36 percent respectively.
- Then, in 1995 saw ana slight risegrowth about...
- ...by aged 14-24; , at roughly 12%. (using ';' is not suggested)
- the middle of the period...
- ...did not witness the significant increase.increasing significantly.

There you are Ansor, hope you find this is helpful for your next practice.

Good luck :)


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