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TASK ONE IELTS ACADEMIC WRITING LINE CHART


Bams17 28 / 43  
Nov 19, 2016   #1
The line chart shows information about total of amount of money a city council presented to the book clubs during four year measured by pound sterling. Overall, it can be seen that total of money which is given by city council always bigger than total of the book clubs.

Total money stood at 20,000 in the first year after that increase steadily by 3,000 in the second year from 20,000 followed by dramatic raise in the third year and peak at 40,000. However, in the last period the trend change decline dramatically by 37,000.

On the other word, books club has reversed pattern with total money pattern. First of all, the data of book groups stood at 6000, then in the next year slight decline by 5000. In the third years, book clubs rise significantly by 10000. In addition, trend of book clubs always increase from the last 2 years and reached at 12000 in the last period.

faizunaa17 49 / 91  
Nov 19, 2016   #2
Hello Syeikh Bambang, let me give you some suggestions:

The line chart shows information about total of amount ofTHE TOTAL / THE AMOUNT money OFaTHE city council THAT IS presented to the book clubs during four yearYEARSTHAT IS measured by pound sterling. POUNDSTERLING

1 THE TOTAL = THE AMOUNT ---> has same meaning. Use one of them

2. Article "a" is used if you still don't know what it refer to. Article "THE" is used when you already know what the data refer to. It can be seen that your data refers to the table, so, use "THE" not "A"

3. PRESENTED ---> past form. THAT IS PRESENTED ----> passive form. In your sentence, it looks like means passive form "diberikan, diukur menggunakan"

4. FOUR YEAR"S" ----> PLURAL FORM.

Overall, it can be seen that THE total of money which is given by THE city council IS always bigger than THE total of the book clubs. (WHAT IS YOUR MEANING? "UANG YANG DIBERIKAN OLEH PEMERINAH SELALU LEBIH BESAR DARIPADA JUMLAH KLUB BUKU". IT LOOKS LIKE "TIDAK NYAMBUNG".

5. ARTICLE "THE" PROBLEM AGAIN

5. IS ALWAYS BIGGER ---> DON'T FORGET USE VERB. A SENTENCE MUST CONTAIN SUBJECT AND VERB.

Since you don't upload the picture of your task, sorry i can't continue my correction into your BODY PARAGRAPH.
Next, you must upload it to make the contributor easier to correct it.

BREAK A LEG AKHIII SOLEEEH
nurainiyusuf16 47 / 83 6  
Nov 19, 2016   #3
Hello BAMS!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

The line chart shows information about total of amount of money a city council presented to the book clubs during four year measured by pound sterling.

Total = amount
1. You should choose one of the, it wil be redundant if you pick all of the.
2. You should put conjunction since there are two subject and two verb in your sentence
2. You should put year here, time signal or when the survey happen

The line chart shows information about the amount of moneythat a city council presented to the book clubs during four year measured by pound sterling.

For next task, you have to put the picture so it will be easy to check your data accuration :)
septiadara29 48 / 67 9  
Nov 19, 2016   #4
Hello! I will give you some opinions about your essay.

Do not forget to attach the picture

(1) The line chart shows the information about total ofthe amount of money that a city council presented to the book clubs during four year that is measured by pound sterling.

(2) Overall, it can be seen that the total of money which iswas given by city council always bigger than total of the book clubs.

(3) The Total money stood at 20,000 in the first year after that it increased steadily by 3,000 in the second year from 20,000 and followed by a dramatic raise in the third year and peak at 40,000.

(4) However, in the last period the trend changed to decline dramatically by 37,000.
It is better to compare the line graph than you mentioned the data one by one

(5) On the other word, books club hashad a reversed pattern with total money pattern.
(6) ... then in the next year there was a slight decline by 5000.
(7) In the third years, book clubs riserose significantly by 10000.
(8) In addition, trend of book clubs trend always increased from the last 2 years and reached at 12000 in the last period.


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