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IELTS: One of advertising's drawbacks - purchasing not necessary products

Juliet Ngo 1 / -  
Jul 25, 2014   #1
IELTS writing task 2: One of advertising's drawbacks is make people buy products that they don't really need is increase the sale. Do you agree or disgree?

Customers have benefited from advertising for the last few decades, such as the better ability to compare a vast array of products to have a smart choice and an exponential surge in sales. However, some people argue that consumers are spending more money on purposeless things which have been advertised due to the main target - peaking of a new best sale, which is supported by my view through this essay. Advertisements promoting goods globally play a significant role in informing the customers. As a positive result, they can choose the best product to enhance their daily lives. For instance, a housewife wants to buy an electronic washing machine in order to relax or have time with their children. The machine will both have the satisfactory qualifies and the most competitive price so they go online or watch the advertising channel to collect some information to make their decision. According to experts, people intend to buy products belonging to brands whose advertisements remain in their brain more than others. Another advantage of advertising is improving the revenue of companies. One of the main reasons is that people are attracted to products promoting by endorsements, for example My Linh, David Beckham and Rihana. On the other hand, it could lead to a situation that customers buy not only things they need but also things they wants. People who over buy products called Shopaholics. They have strong beliefs in famous people who advertise the products, make others feel that nothing would be more perfect than the goods they use. As a consequence, many Shopaholics spend their whole property to own one valuable ware. Sometimes, it gets worse when they are overwhelming in debt or have to throw something they need to do this to fulfil their desire. Despite the considerable increase in sales, parts of society are influenced negatively. Less money would be spent on supporting the children of the shopaholics for education and health care, meanwhile, the venue of the advertised brands would be rocketing. By the way of conclusion, advertisements are bringing to us drawbacks which is making people buy more unnecessary things and lack of money for other purposes although it has boosted the economies substantially.

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Jul 27, 2014   #2
Well, your essay has many issues and the most obvious one is that you have written everything in one bunch :D You've got to separate the paragraphs which is a must requirement for this task. You would score on its organization and accordingly, you need to have an introduction, at least two body paragraphs (2 - 3 paras would be the best) and a conclusion. So, I suggest you to re-write this full essay following that approach and repost it here for us to provide you with more feedbacks :)

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