IELTS Essay---No one should be allowed to work after the age of 65(Discussion)

Dear all,

I had attended 4 times IELTS exams,the writing score remained at 5 which is so low.
Please kindly give me some advice ,especially on grammar.
Thank you all in advance.

Deva

topic:some people think that no one should be allowed to work after the age of 65.others say that people should allowed to work for as long as they want.discussion.

Nowadays,an increasing number of people are concerned about work right .Whether people should continued to work after the age of 65 has aroused heated debate.From my perspective,people who come from some special careers should work longer than 65 if they want to.

It is well-known that most of people cannot worked beyond the retired age.This assertion certainly sounds reasonable because society need to keep dynamic and creative through younger individual.what i mean by that is young people have new technology and thought on work such as computer skills.Another reson for this view point lies in the fact yong people are more effective at working under enormouse stress.

Some other people,however,are strongly believe that people can decide retire later than 65 for several reasons:primary,most people living longer,healthier lives,remaining physically fit and mentally alert into their70s and 80s,fixed retirement ages are an anachronism.moreover,allowing people to stay in employment past the current retirement age would also have health benefits for some and provide a boost to the economy.For example,they have existing skills and don't necessarily in the same entry level that younger people are going for.

My own opinion is that both two respects are reasonable and necessary but too one-sided to ignore the reality of society ,which is aimportant factor.So i suggest that people who has ability to use special technology skill should be allowed to work longer than 65.

Some mistakes I find in your essay ;). Hope this useful ^^


=> continue


=> i think "after" should be better


=> only need "they want"


=> what I mean is that


=> this view is the fact that
deva624
=> when working under high stress

both of two


important

... work right?
Nowadays, many people express their concerns over the ideal retirement age.


.... should continue / should be continued


In my view, the retirement age may vary according to the profession. People with expertise in certain specialized fields can continue even after sixty five years if they are fit enough to offer their services.