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Ielts Task 2: About one or more Careers; Which is better?


Jiya 6 / 18  
Apr 9, 2012   #1
Slam everyone! This is my 3rd essay, hope u will help to correct this. Eagerly waiting for your help.

Topic:The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life.

Essay

The idea of single career is becoming old fashion & the idea of several careers plus further education will be new fashion, what are the reasons?

In the early times, people were simple, needs were limited, expanses were short & one career was enough. But nowadays it has become old fashioned. By seeing the current situation, it can be said that in the coming years, people will be more fashionable, needs will be countless, expanses will be huge & one career won't be enough. Having several careers will be new fashion. At present times, competition of earning money is very tough, & in coming next years it will reach its peak. People want to earn more and more so their this desire will become incurable disease.

There are two kind of people; needy & rich. The needy people want to earn more to fulfill the needs of their families because the costs of everything is risen badly. So they have to do more work or having several careers than one. For example, an ordinary school teacher whose salary is not enough, he has to run a tuition center privately, plus he has to do further study to get promotion in his job. On the other hand, the rich people want to earn more to increase their bank balance & to just satisfy their mentality. The purpose of their earning or having more careers is just earn and spend. For example, a model girl who earns enough due modeling, also starts a business by dress designing & runs a boutique She also continue further study through different courses to just raise her morale among the society.

Though, it's not necessary that everyone have or will have more careers just to increase their bank balance. It might be happen they earn more to help the needy one or those who can't survive properly in their walk of life. Nevertheless, all the earning depends on the one's need. No doubt, everyone want to take rest & don't earn more only for enjoyment. Obviously, their problems & needs urge them to do so. Probably, they want to established not only themselves, their families but also their societies and countries.

To sum up, it's true that the idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned and the new fashion will be having different ways of earning than one, plus to continue further education throughout life because it will be the 'necessity' of future not only 'fashion'.

Thanks.

jawad noah 1 / 4  
Apr 9, 2012   #2
Hi Jyia,

I have these suggestions that I hope will help you :

" At present times, the competition of earning money is very tough.."

"...more so their this desire will become incurable disease. "

"... the costs of everything has risen badly."

"...more work or are having several careers than one."

"For example, an ordinary school teacher, whose salary is not enough, he has to run a tuition center privately..."

"..who earns enough due to modelling..."

"... It might be happeningthat they earn more to help..."

"..& doesn't earn more..."

"...they want to establishand their families ..."

Good luck

best regards
OP Jiya 6 / 18  
Apr 9, 2012   #3
Thank u very much jwad! It's really helpful. Hope u will help me again on my next essays.
peterc 14 / 52  
Apr 11, 2012   #4
Hi Jiya,

For me the fourth paragraph is not that convincing. The rest is very good and I hope you will have a good result in IELTS essay writing!
OP Jiya 6 / 18  
Apr 11, 2012   #5
Thank u very much Peter! I'l try to change this paragraph. And thanks again for the wishes.


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