A foreign visitor has only one day to spend in your country. Where should this visitor go on that day? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.
My country is full of beautiful places; however, it seems to me that a foreign visitor, who can only stay for one day, should visit my city because it takes him one day to learn about several aspects of the culture of my country. In his short trip, he can visit the archeological sites, taste the traditional food and do some shopping in the old market of the city.
In the morning, he should move to the East of the city in order to visit the historical places. I live in place known by its Roman and Numidian ruins. Visiting the archeological places, will give a foreign visitor an opportunity to know about the cultural heritage and learn more about the history of my country. It will also allow him to take some photos there while enjoying the ancient architecture of my ancestors.
After visiting the archeological sites, a visitor must be hungry and ready for tasting the traditional food of my city. Going to one of the famous restaurants and ordering some traditional dishes will be a great idea. For instance, he can order couscous, which is a delicious dish made of steamed semolina and served with meat and vegetables. Tasting new food and knowing the different flavors of my country's cuisine makes part of this exciting trip.
Finally, after having lunch, it would be a great idea to the visitor to do some shopping in the old market. This visit will enable him to know more about the traditional industry of my country. He can find there a lot of antiques, colorful carpets, traditional clothes, etc. Moreover, he can buy some souvenirs and gifts to his family and friends. This will be the last activity in his short trip.
By a way of conclusion, based on the reasons explored above, I believe that a trip to my city is the best choice for any foreigner who wants to spend one day in a different country and learn a lot about it. In my city, visitors can enjoy not only seeing the archeological places but also savoring the delicious traditional dishes and buying beautiful souvenirs which will remind them of their unforgettable visit forever.
Hey Nour, you wrote an almost perfect essay. You just have one very important piece of information that you should have included in the introduction. You told us that the visitor should visit your city, in your country. Now, assume that the reader does not know your country of origin and where you live. How do you expect him to visualize everything you are talking about in the rest of your essay if you do not tell us where you come from and what city you live in?
This essay is descriptive in content. That means that you need to bring the reader into the setting. In this case, you do that by letting us know where you live your daily life. So if you tell the reader where you come from, then there will be a better chance that he will be able to visualize the description and stories you are telling in his mind.
Really, the essay you developed is good. It entices me to visit your city. I just don't see how I can do that if I do not know where you are :-) Yes, incomplete information will result in a lower essay score. Don't forget that ;-)
Thank you all for your feedbacks. A special thanks for you vangiespen. Thank you for your guidance and time. Concerning my city, I did not mention it, but I gave some hints ;) a place where a visitor can find Numidian and Roman ruins and it is famous of its traditional food such as Couscous. Few cities share these criteria :) . Anyway, I will make sure to take your valuable remarks into consideration in my next essays.
Concerning my essay, I still think that it needs more work. For example, there is some redundancy such as " a great idea" in both paragraphs. Additionally, I am not sure of the use of some punctuation marks. Besides that, there are some sentences in which I am not sure of the tense of the verb. For instance, in the this sentence, "It will also allow him to take some photos there while enjoying the ancient architecture of my ancestors" should I write "while he enjoys" or "while enjoying". In addition to the coherence and the cohesion of sentences in the body paragraphs.
Anyway, thank you again vangiespen. In case you want to visit my city you are more than welcome. :)
Nour, I know that you feel that your friend will already know where you are and where you live. However, for the sake of this essay in particular, and in any essay for that matter, you need to provide complete information in the essay for the reviewer. Don't just offer clues. That shows a lack of interest in providing accurate information in your paper. You were not being asked to write a casual letter. Even then, you still need to mention where you come from and where you live. I do not know who told you that the location need not be mentioned in the essay but that is simply not the case. Complete information counts in the eyes of the examiner.
As for the development of your essay, you don't have to worry about redundancies or how you developed the sentences. the TOEFL test allows only 30 minutes for your writing of a well developed essay. The focus of the test is your ability to express your thoughts in English. Allowances will be made and given to the test takers for redundancies, provided you manage to express your message in an understandable manner in the overall scheme of the essay. Worries about punctuation marks? Hey, you are under time pressure and will not be expected to have a perfect grasp of the language. After all, you are an ESL and therefore, cannot be expected to be perfect when it comes to that in the actual test.
You are right though, you should get the practice test as perfect as possible in order to better prepare for the actual test. My point is this, there are parts of the tests where leniency will be provided, but there are certain parts where hard decisions will be made. The points you refer to are soft points. You can perfect those over time. I want you to concentrate on the most glaring mistake instead because that is where points will be deducted from.
Thank you so much. I will keep your pieces of advice while writing my next essays.
... it seems to me that a foreign visitor, who can only stay for one day, should visit my city because it takes him one day to learn about several aspects of the culture of my country. --> it's unintelligible and not a really good idea though it's what's the thread is about
your writing style lacks hospitality. foreign visitors won't be convinced much
